The Art of Obedience - Kayla Bailey // Official Website

Miracle Nights

Fri, 11 Nov 2022 16:41:00 GMT

Hi, my name is Kayla, and I was miraculously healed by Jesus at a Brandon Lake concert.

7 weeks ago I came down with some sort of unknown virus. After the initial week of sickness, my symptoms shifted into the most crippling dizziness, weakness, fatigue and brain fog I had ever experienced. Every day was like Groundhog Day. I would wake up hopeful that maybe some of the symptoms would subside, only to find that with minimal movement around my house, I’d become overwhelmingly dizzy and exhausted and have to get back in bed. Over the course of those weeks, I saw all kinds of doctors and did all kinds of treatments, but made no progress and found no answers. As the weeks passed by, it became harder and harder to stay positive, as all I was able to do was lay in bed around the clock, except for the few hours a day I’d force myself to get out of bed and sit at my piano to work with my music students. As you can imagine, I also battled depression, as my quality of life became very poor.

Months beforehand, I heard that my friend Blessing Offor was going to be in town, opening up for Brandon Lake on his Miracle Nights tour, so my husband and I got tickets so we could go and support him. As the night of the concert grew closer, I assumed we would have to cancel, as I have had to cancel pretty much all plans I’ve had since the middle of September. But, something inside me told me I needed to be there. In fact, something inside me told me I would be healed at that concert. Sunday morning, I even wrote in my prayer journal asking God for a miracle THAT DAY. I hadn’t been that specific in my prayers during the weeks leading up to that day. In hindsight, maybe I should have been.

So, I lay in bed all day in hopes that the extra time of rest would give me the strength to get through the night. We arrived early and got to spend time catching up with Blessing and hang the rest of the crew before the show. By the time the music started, I was feeling so weak, dizzy, and exhausted, I wasn’t sure I’d make it through the concert. I had to sit down a lot, and when I stood, my husband basically had to help prop me up so I wouldn’t fall over.

After the first few songs, Brandon paused the music and shared testimony of a guy in his band, Micah Nichols , who was completely healed of autoimmunity when a man named Joshua Silverberg prayed for him. This obviously resonated with me as I have battled autoimmunity since 2013. Then, Brandon shared that, not only did Joshua pray for Micah, but he also experienced miraculous healing when he was in the ICU and doctors told him he wasn’t going to make it . So Joshua came out and prayed a special prayer of healing for everyone, and people began sharing their testimonies of the healings they were encountering in that moment. At this point, however, I was feeling awful, and had to sit for the majority of the remainder of the concert.Then, they said Josh would be available for prayer after the show for anyone who still needed prayer, and I knew I needed to have him pray for me. We ended up being last in line and it was getting late, so you can imagine how awful I was feeling; so dizzy and weak I thought I was going to fall over.

Then, it was finally my turn and, before I knew it, a bunch of people surrounded me and laid hands on me as I shared what had been ailing me. First, a sweet woman grabbed my hands and began to pray. She prayed for everything imaginable, even things I didn’t think to ask for prayer for. After her, Josh began to pray and speak things about me that he couldn’t have possibly known about me without divine insight from the Holy Spirit. Then, out of the blue, Micah walked up, asked what we were praying for, and he began to pray for me as well. These beautiful souls spent almost 15 minutes laying hands on me and praying for complete healing.

Afterward I was tired, but I didn’t really feel dizzy anymore. My husband and I didn’t get home and in bed until after 1am, so when I awoke the next morning, I should have felt pretty awful and sleep deprived. It was a feeling I had grown accustom to waking up with for the past 7 weeks. But I woke up feeling different. I actually felt normal . As I walked around my kitchen, I anticipated dizzy spells with every turn of my head, but they never came. As the day went on, I kept testing each symptom, making sure it was really real. I even went for a long walk and was able to close my exercise ring for the first time since the middle of September!

As I was trying to think of the best way to describe what happened to me, John 9:25 kept coming to mind: “[…] One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.”

I may never know what caused me to be so ill for so long. But where there was dizziness, now there is balance. Where there was fatigue, now there is energy. Where there was weakness, now there is strength. Where there was brain fog, now there is clarity of mind. The best way I can describe it is; I felt as though I had a spirit of oppression on me for nearly two months and now, the veil has been lifted and I finally have my life back again!

God truly turned my mourning into dancing.

When I was healed from a back injury in 2014, I wrote Love Like This . Now that I’ve been healed again, I’m so excited for the songs that will come out of this experience as well. I’m so thankful that I finally have the strength to lead worship again and move forward with getting my upcoming album out, and I’m incredibly hopeful that the songs will be an encouragement to all who listen.

This wasn’t the first time I was healed miraculously and I know it won’t be the last. Jesus is just that good. He is truly the God of miracles.

Last Words

Tue, 26 Feb 2019 18:13:00 GMT

What would you say if you knew you were speaking to someone for the very last time?

On Valentines Day, I had the last conversation I will ever have with a dear student of mine. Soon after she left my house, she was killed instantly, leaving her family and friends completely devastated.

After the shock subsides and the mourning begins, there are typically two avenues we can take with our grief. Sometimes, the blow is so bad that recovery never truly comes; we become bitter and cold, using cynicism, as a shield that we hope will deflect any future pain that might befall us. Others, who are able to heal, search for the lessons they can take away from the tragedy, making it their aim to live and act in such a way that will have a positive impact on the world around them, as they’re suddenly more aware of the brevity of life.

Though I’ve been wrestling with God for the past week and a half, over questions that I know cannot be answered this side of Heaven, I’m aware of the conscious choice one must make when faced with the loss of a loved one.

Looking forward, I recognize what I must do to honor God, and Katie’s memory. It’s so much more than being a “better person.” I’ve always made it my aim to be positive with, not only my students, but everyone in my life. But again, it’s so much more than being positive, because I know I was all of those things with Katie, as I am with all of my students. I encourage them in their abilities and gifts, aspiring to instill confidence in, not only what they can do , but who they are.

But that is simply not good enough anymore.

People need more than self-confidence; they need God -confidence.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture that is so worried about tolerance & political correctness that we end up tip-toeing around what we actually want to say for fear that we might “offend” someone with our beliefs. And I must admit, there have been many times that I have watered down what I wanted to say for fear of how I might come cross.

Frankly, now I don’t care.

Everyone should know they are dearly loved. Everyone should know that they are not an accident, but rather a child of God. Everyone should know they are valuable, not because of what they look like, what they’ve accomplished, or what they are capable of, but because God gave them value when He thought them into existence.

This idea doesn’t just mean we should smile at strangers and hold open doors for the elderly, though those things are all fine and good. Since a lot of us “live our lives” through the window of technology, it is now more important than ever that these principles translate to the way we behave on social media.

I am sick and tired of all of the hate and divisiveness I see on a day-to-day basis. So often I just want to shut it all down and move out in the middle of nowhere with no Internet or television. But, that is increasingly becoming less and less likely of an option, especially for the field of work I have chosen to be in. So since we can’t avoid it, we need to get a whole lot more serious about the way in which we deal with it.

Friends, stop getting into petty arguments online.

Stop posting hurtful garbage simply for the sake of vilifying those who believe differently than you do.

And Christians specifically, stop tearing down other Christians that appear to be doing or saying something that is less than perfect when you know full-well that you’re not perfect, and the only reason you are considered “right” in the eyes of God is because of the One who made you righteous through His death. Because, God has also made that person righteous through His free gift of salvation, and you couldn’t possibly ever be good enough to earn God’s favor. So, stop trolling people who you believe aren’t good enough to earn yours .

I know I’m guilty of these things. We’re all guilty of these things. And I know I’m not going to do what I’ve set out to do perfectly. There are going to be moments where someone cuts me off in traffic and I forget. There are going to be times when I’m tired and lean in to selfish, sinful behavior rather than being loving. But my hope and prayer is that I will continue to carry this sense of urgency into my future interactions with people. After all, it’s what Katie would have done. She would have given a stranger a hug, even when it felt socially unacceptable or awkward. She would have smiled, even in the face of criticism. Katie was someone who, instead of whining or complaining, sang and twirled around in the face of the worst kind of tribulation one could ever face; she was truly an inspiration to every life she touched. Katie loved well, and I believe the only way I can truly honor her life is by loving well in return.

It is imperative that people know they are loved. They need to know they’re loved, not just by you, but by the God who created them. It is imperative that people know that God has a plan for their life, that He wants a relationship with them, and that He sent His son Jesus to die for them, so that when they die, they can spend the rest of eternity in Heaven, where there is no mourning, or crying, or pain. It is crucial that those we come into contact with know these things, because we truly never know which words we say to someone will be the last.

What’s the Point?

Fri, 22 Sep 2017 19:04:00 GMT

The concept for this blog isn’t a new one at all, but I need to write it, even if just for myself.

This is a question I ask myself, not often, but during low points, points we can all hit at times. When we wake up with a plan to do something , then those doubts creep in with, “What’s the point? Will this even make a difference? Will anyone even notice if I don’t? Will anyone even notice if I do ?”

The book of Ecclesiastes is filled with this type of pondering. Not only is that where I’ve been in my personal Bible reading lately, it’s where I’ve been in life . Call it self-assessment, call it re-prioritizing, but I’ve been in a place of assessing the things that I believe I’m called to do, and trying to figure out what is holding me back from doing them.

The answer, plain and simple, is fear .

Fear of what people will think once I put myself out there.

Fear of not “doing it right.”

Fear of spending all the time, money, energy, and resources it takes to make it happen, then it not having the impact that I’d hope for.

Fear of failing.

But the conclusion I’m coming to is, again, not new, but crucial to come to: If I feel called to do something, it is imperative that I do it.

I find it so fascinating that every single person on this earth has a purpose they are called to and a passion to do something . And every “something” is different for every person. This speaks to the creativity of God, how personal He is, and how He cares about each of us individually as well as collectively. The Bible confirms this in verses like Luke 12:7 , Jeremiah 1:5 , and Psalm 139:16 . God knows us, but not only that, He put these desires in us; desires to do something .

I have some pretty incredible women in my life. Each of which has a passion for something different.

One is a cinematographer. She has a passion for storytelling; putting the story of people’s lives and specifically the journey that led them to a relationship with God into film. She is an incredible artist, and her work is absolutely breathtaking.

I have another friend who is an actress and a producer. She’s currently working on a business to benefit both creatives and the community in which they live. To me, this girl is super woman, and I’m always amazed at all of the things she’s able to accomplish within a week’s time. She is brilliant, hardworking, and kind.

And more friends still, friends who own a pizza place, friends who make music and write blogs and home-school their children . And I wonder how empty this world would be if every single one of them never executed these passions out of fear ; if none of us ever did the thing we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were called to do simply because we were afraid.

I had a conversation with a young girl the other day that felt sort of like talking into a mirror. She expressed a desire to start a Bible study for young girls and make some encouraging videos and have an online ministry. I asked her what was holding her back. Her answer? You guessed it; fear.

She text me later that week and said, “Okay, I did it, I’m so scared that no one will respond, but I’m stepping out in faith and doing it!”

And that is what we all need to do. That is what I need to do. There will always be days where we wake up and question if what we’re doing even matters. But on those days when fear and doubt feel all-consuming, the question we should ask ourselves instead is: what will happen if I don’t ?

A great story that illustrates this question beautifully is the story of Esther.

In fact, we hear Esther 4:14 quoted often, “…and who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”

What we often ignore is the whole “if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish,” part.

We love hearing that we were created for “such a time as this,” but the reality of what might happen not only to ourselves, but to others if we don’t follow that calling can be a hard pill to swallow.

Yet, one of the most incredible things about God is; He has a plan and a purpose that will prevail whether we join Him in it or not. He doesn't actually need us, but He wants to use us. If we chicken out or procrastinate, He'll make it happen. It may happen with us as a part of it, like Aaron being Moses' mouthpiece because he had either a speech impediment or a fear of public speaking. Or, we could be like Esther; a woman who was remembered for an incredible act of bravery. Esther could have been any woman, and we would have the book of Katherine, Susanne, Martha or the name of another concubine or Jewish girl instead, but we have the book of Esther because she faced her fears & stepped into her calling.

So I think when we feel like it's meaningless or pointless, and maybe won't make much of a difference either way, what we must remember is that the difference is simply that we could be the one who is a part of something greater than ourselves, or we could not be. We could take that risk and do that thing that we've been feeling like we are supposed to do our whole life, and it could change thousands of lives, or just one. The impact of our obedience and bravery can never fully be grasped until after the fact. But how cool is it to think of the influence you might have simply because you took the risk and said, "Yes" to God?

To put it simply, fear is a liar, and you need to put him in his place.

Start with the simplest act of bravery and work your way up. For instance, if you feel like a "calling" God has placed on your life is to encourage people, whether through a blog, a song, a sermon, or a book, start with something like a daily motivational quote on Instagram or a weekly devotional thought. I understand the fear that it won't have the impact you're hoping for, so, what’s the point? The reality is, God created all of us with a purpose, and together, we make up the beautiful tapestry of life. So, if you don’t step out and face your fears, He’ll provide another way, but how incredible is it to know that your act of bravery could potentially have an impact for years to come, perhaps even beyond your lifetime?

So, what’s the point?

The point is: it matters.

Your dream matters . You matter.

So get out there today and show fear you’re not afraid.

A Future Worth Waiting For

Mon, 10 Jul 2017 00:00:00 GMT

It's been almost three weeks since I became an engaged woman and I must admit it's still sinking in. I've spent many years praying, hoping, and dreaming about the person I would share the rest of my life with, so it's still hard to grasp that those dreams have come to fruition. And as much as I'm still basking in the joy of it all and trying to simply inhale it all in, I'm very much aware of the heart that I have for young girls, specifically single women, as I have spent the majority of my life up until this point as one. Not to offer relationship advice, cause this is all very much new territory for me, but rather single advice and how to spend those years well. While all of my friends were getting married 10 years ago and beginning to have babies not long after that, I knew God was calling me to singleness for a season. At times that season seemed way longer than I wanted it to be, and yet, I knew it was necessary to accomplish the things God laid on my heart to do. Often my married friends would remind me that the season I was in was a gift and I should use that time wisely because it wouldn't last. And I'm so thankful that I did. Not just because singleness afforded me the time and focus to accomplish a lot, (like putting out 4 albums), but I learned what it was for my Heavenly Father to be the main man in my life, my first love, and my everything. And that season had the same benefit for Chris - to grow in the Lord as a man of God, learning how to seek Him first and make Him Lord of his life. So, if anything, the new challenge for both of us during this time of preparing for marriage is to keep God in His rightful place as our first love. Though I have a lot to say on the matter, I wanted to share a few things for those like me, who have been waiting for what feels like an eternity, and for those much younger, who absolutely dread the possibility of remaining single all the way through their 20's.
My overarching admonition is this: wait. 1. In every sense of the word, wait. Wait for the right person to come into your life. The one who makes you laugh, is your best friend, and who you "can't get enough of". Those are a few of the measures I used when dating, and those are the criterion that kept me single for a long time as I simply didn't find that with anyone.
2. Wait also for all things physical. I cannot imagine treading through the tumultuous times of heartache after heartache and also having to carry the weight of tethering myself to someone physically and having to sever that tie over and over again. I think it is a tragedy that so many unmarried men and women believe the lie that physical intimacy is a normal part of dating when God designed it to be within the safe, confines of marriage. This is something I am still waiting for until I said "I do," and I would urge everyone who is single, whether they have failed in this area before or not, to make a commitment to wait until marriage.
3. The last thing I would urge any unmarried person to do is to wait for the one who prays . Not just someone who blesses a table or says a quick prayer for those in need, but someone who knows true intimacy with the Father through prayer. Recently I asked Chris when he knew I was "the one" he wanted to marry, and I have been pondering that question myself lately. For me, I don't know that it was a specific moment, but rather a series of cumulative moments. One in particular I remember is a time we spent in prayer together. We pray together often, but this specific time was one of the first where we were both vulnerable before the throne, and let each other witness that vulnerability. I've never experienced intimacy like that before and would argue that true intimacy in relationships begin and end with an intimate relationship with the Father.

Your Love Never Fails

Thu, 23 Mar 2017 16:26:00 GMT

As worship leaders, sometimes we can see a song in an upcoming set and think, “uh, not this one again, it’s so old,” or “It’s too fast,” or “It’s too slow.”

And, like God only has the power to do, sometimes that is the song that hits you square in the face and brings you to your knees.

This weekend at Parkview Christian Church , we are doing an oldie, but a goodie, One Thing Remains . I feel like I’ve sung it a million times. I’ve sung the melody. I’ve sung the harmony. I’ve played it on the guitar. I’ve played it on the piano. I know this song. And sometimes, when we’ve known something for a long time, we take it for granted.

Like a popular Bible verse, or the act of prayer; we can let familiarity and pride get in the way and begin to think that it’s something we’ve mastered.

Been there, done that, read the book,…literally.

But then God gently steps in and, with a small whisper says, “Yes, you do know this, and yet, you still need this; you still need the reminder.”

There are a couple of verses in Psalms I highlighted a long time ago that speak to this. I even remember where I was when I wrote a question mark in the margins thinking to myself, “what is wrong with these people?” They read:

“They forgot what He had done, the great wonders He had shown them…” (Psalm 78:11)

And…

“They forgot the God who saved them, who had done great things in Egypt…” (Psalm 106:21) (emphasis mine)

It’s easy to read those Old Testament stories and, as an outsider looking in think, “God literally just rescued you. He literally just healed you; how could you have forgotten how powerful He is already ?”

But if we’re honest, that is us. We say we believe in His unconditional love, then when it is in question in our own lives, we doubt Him.

We share testimonies of miraculous healing, then when we are struck yet again with a health problem, we question His healing power.

We memorize Bible verses on His ability to transform the human heart, (like what He did with Paul) then when a spouse, family member, or friend betrays us, we see it as a lost cause.

This week, I needed the reminder of the song, One Thing Remains . The simple truth of:

Your love never fails

Never gives up

Never runs out on me

Prior to rehearsal, I had been feeling discouraged, battling the same old demons.

The morning after rehearsal, I woke up with this song in my head and those three lines repeating over and over and over again. I woke up feeling changed. I knew healing had come yet again. God had answered my prayers for the billionth time.

His love never fails

He never gives up

His saving power, healing power, wonderful gifts…all of it, will never run out. He will never run out.

As the Psalmists puts it, may we always be mindful of His unfailing love and live in total and complete reliance on His faithfulness. (Psalm 26:3).

A Beautiful Awakening

Tue, 21 Mar 2017 17:52:00 GMT

“If you wouldn’t put it in your mouth, you shouldn’t put it on your skin.”

This is the advice I was given by my doctor a few years ago when I showed up in her office with a plethora of problems, one minor one being my skin . I had been using some strong acne treatments prescribed by my dermatologist, and this new doctor began to warn me of the effects of the harsh chemicals I was absorbing into my skin. Instead, her method of treatment was a few dietary changes and some supplements, and since then I wouldn’t consider my skin “acne-prone” any longer.

This was around the time when I was starting to become enlightened about food, fitness, and health.

It was a time of awakening for me.

Prior to then, I would have considered myself to be fairly ignorant in all three areas. When it came to food, if it was quick, easy, and tasted good, I ate it without so much as a glance at the ingredient list. I considered 20 minutes twice a week on the elliptical to be a good “workout,” and I never even considered the possibility of being careful about household cleaning products or skincare and beauty products.

But once I started to become educated and aware, the changes I saw only piqued my curiosity and desire to take better care of myself.

I started challenging my body physically, pushing it to new limits, which in turn increased my lung capacity, and was able to go completely off of the strongest asthma medication on the market.

During this season I watched (wept through) a lot of Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution and became aware of all of the ingredients the US allows into the food industry; ingredients other countries ban.

It was around this time that I also had an eye-opening conversation with a friend from England, where she shared that “over there” they don’t use the kind of laundry detergent and fabric softener and other products that we do, because they can cause cancer and other illnesses. She even shared with me that her family didn’t own a microwave…because it wasn’t safe.

It was also during this time that I was working as a makeup artist. As an artist in general, I’ve always had a love for, not only music, but all forms of art, so getting to be creative and play “makeover” all day was a fun way to support my musical endeavors.

During my training, I learned about beauty product standards in America…and how they are nowhere near as strict as other countries. I learned that cosmetic companies have formulas for their United States products, and completely different formulas for other countries, countries with stricter regulations and higher beauty standards.

It was around this time that a friend said, “Hey, have you heard of this new cosmetic company ? Since you’re into makeup, health and fitness, eating Paleo , and avoiding toxic ingredients all around, I think it’s something you’d be interested in…” and this friend didn’t even work for the cosmetic company.

At the time, I didn’t dive too much into it, but it did get me thinking, “why don’t we in the United States, a country that has surpassed so many others in so many ways, lead in the standards of what we allow in our products?”

Fast forward to this past fall, a season where I began to delve even deeper into my research on food, and not just what is “healthy,” or “unhealthy,” but what God says about all of this, and I came across a portion of scripture outlining a time when Daniel fasted , not only certain foods, but lotion .

I realize with that statement, I may have lost some people. Hey, maybe I lost ya at “makeup,” but for me, everything in my life boils down to art and obedience. I believe everything can be an art, from cooking, to writing songs, to picking out my outfit and makeup for the day. I also believe all of those things can be an act of obedience, from dressing modestly to putting foods in my body that will help it, and not harm it, all the while providing the energy I need for whatever task God has for me that day, even if it’s just simply to relax and enjoy the day without indigestion.

I’m learning, it’s the same with everything else, even the products I put on my skin. If I’m trying to be obedient in what I eat, that means I also have to be obedient with what I’m allowing to be absorbed into the biggest organ in my body.

Everyone’s journey of enlightenment in what it means to treat his or her body with love and respect is different. I have friends who make their own deodorant and soaps; while my thing has been making almost everything I eat from scratch, from sauces and condiments to baked goods and regular meals. I know a lot of people that aim to avoid harmful chemicals in foods but don’t have the time or desire to make mayonnaise and ketchup from scratch, so they purchase those things from all natural health food stores.

Whatever the case, I think it’s safe to say the majority of us are on some sort of quest to lead healthier lifestyles and educate ourselves about how to be good stewards of our bodies.

The thing about education is, once your eyes are opened to the facts, you can’t unlearn them. At that point, you have a responsibility to put that knowledge into practice.

So that’s where I am. I’m working on the fitness and food piece, now it’s time to be more aware of the things I’m putting on the biggest organ on my body: my skin.

Maybe eventually I’ll delve into the world of making my own soaps and lotions, but it’s nice to know there’s already a company out there providing safe products, so I can spend more time doing the things that I love, like making music, cooking, and spending time with my family and friends.

I get that it can be overwhelming. It feels like everyday we see on the news a new discovery of a food or ingredient that causes cancer. So, instead of getting overwhelmed and thinking that now you’ve got to dedicate 5 hours a day to making all your food & body products from scratch, then another hour at the gym, start with one change: change your meats over to grass-fed, eliminate added sugar, or make a commitment to only buy non GMO products. Then do the same with your body products. Start with a safe shampoo, lotion, or facial cleanser and build out from there.

It’s all about the small changes. One new habit will inspire another.

And that’s what got me to where I am today :)

To learn more about Beautycounter and check out all of their high performing, safe products click here: http://www.beautycounter.com/kaylabailey

The Lesson in the Lot

Thu, 02 Mar 2017 17:28:00 GMT

"If This is my Lot , then what is the Lesson ?"

The Bible is filled with many scriptures and promises about suffering. We are promised that in this world we will have trouble. [i] We are promised that when we go through deep waters, God will be there [ii] . We are promised Jesus will never leave us nor forsake us [iii] . And we are told to pray and ask God for what we need and believe He will provide [iv] .

So what about those times when your trial lingers, your prayers for healing or the burden to be lifted go unanswered, and you couldn’t feel further from God?

You shift your prayers.

This doesn’t mean you don’t keep asking for the miracle you’re praying for, but while you’re wading through the deep waters, begin to ask God why you’re there in the first place.

We are told in 2 Corinthians 12 that Paul had what’s called a “thorn in the flesh.” Many commentators give their opinion on what this “thorn” could have been, from a physical infirmity to a literal, evil spirit tormenting him, but the truth of the matter is, we don’t know for sure. The bottom line is this: Paul prayed and asked God for relief from the thorn three times, and God did not take it away.

So the question we are left with is: why?

If God is all loving and all-powerful, why didn’t he honor Paul’s prayer? After all, Paul was a warrior for God, spreading the gospel and making converts left and right.

I believe the only answer is the Lesson .

The lesson of the thorn was imperative to Paul’s growth and dedication. God knew the story would be passed down from generation to generation, both comforting and challenging those in it’s hearing. Paul needed the thorn. His lot was crucial for him to learn the lesson.

I found myself in that place a few months ago, where I’d been praying for different thorns in my life to be removed and they remained. Right in the thick of it, through listening to different sermons and Bible readings, I believe God spoke to me and challenged me to shift the trajectory of my prayers. Instead of continuing to beg God for relief from the struggles, instead I started saying, “God, if this is my lot, then what is the lesson? If I never find relief from my suffering, then I know it’s for a purpose. So what’s the lesson? What do I need to learn that I keep unlearning? What habits do I need to change so that I can finally ace this lesson and move on?”

Since that time I’ve witnessed different people in my life encountering the same situation; the prayer that seems to continue to go unanswered, the weariness of asking for the same weight to be lifted, only to continue having to carry it.

My challenge to those people and to you today is simple: maybe you’re weary with praying the same prayers over and over and feel like you’re not getting an answer.

So change your prayers.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep asking for relief or healing, but shift the attitude and the angle at which you’re broaching the subject and see what the Holy Spirit reveals to you about your heart instead of your situation.

[i] John 16:33

[ii] Isaiah 43:2

[iii] Deuteronomy 31:6

[iv] Matthew 21:22

I GET To

Thu, 16 Feb 2017 17:00:00 GMT

In my last blog, I shared some of my New Years Resolutions for 2017, as well as some goals I hope to reach in the New Year. One of my resolutions was to take more vacations, and I’m happy to report I just returned from spending a week laying on a beach in sunny Florida a few weeks ago.

Look at me knocking out New Years Resolutions with a 1-2 punch :)

I think we can all agree that if there’s something we’d like to change about our life, the first step is assessing our habits. My blogging buddy, Amy Austin wrote a great piece on this a few weeks ago and it got me thinking about the habits I have formed that got me to the place I’m in, with wanting to make some changes. The reason I have things I want to change, is because, somewhere along the way, I developed a habit that fed that behavior; so if I want to change the behavior, I have to first learn to create new habits. After all, the best way to eliminate a bad habit is by replacing it with a good habit.

At the end of her blog, Amy gave the option to leave a comment on the “ONE habit you’re working on for 2017.” Well, instead of leaving a comment, I figured I’d piggyback off of that and write a whole blog on how I’m going to work to replace a bad habit with a good one.

There are many bad habits in my life I’d like to break, but, like she suggested, it’s best to start with one, then knock out the rest like dominoes. Discipline begets discipline, so if I can learn to create this one new habit, perhaps the others will follow suite. Because, I really want to make some changes. I really want the peace I know they will bring. So, now is the time for hard work.

The first habit I’d like to break has to do with attitude. No, not copping a ‘tude, but the way I view my life and daily responsibilities. And I believe in changing this particular attitude, I will then be able to celebrate victories, and love God, others, & myself better.

No matter what each of us do, vocationally or in our day-to-day routine, we have within us the ability to view our daily life with a positive spin, or a negative one. Let me elaborate:

Many of us struggle with comparing and coveting; we look at the job, spouse, house, family, material possessions, anything belonging to another person and think our lives would be better if we had (fill in the blank). And yet, I think if we all sat back and took a good, hard look at our lives, we would realize that we have it pretty darn good. Sure, we all go through difficult seasons, but those seasons don’t have to be as difficult if we have an “attitude of gratitude.” This isn’t a new concept. Ann Voskamp wrote a great book on thankfulness in the mundane and insignificant.

I know you may be thinking, “been there, done that, read the book.”

And yet, if you’re anything like me, gratitude still takes a lot of work. For me, it’s a daily, mental exercise, sometimes just as tedious as convincing myself to get out of bed early and get on the treadmill. I can think of all the reasons I should stay in bed much faster than all the reasons I should get that workout over with for the day. I know I will feel better, have more energy, and reap the benefits of those endorphins, and yet that initial thought of willing myself out of bed is where implementing the habit begins.

In the same way, breaking the habit of a thought process and an attitude is the same way. It all starts with that knee-jerk response; that first thought about that particular thing.

So here’s my habit and how I intend to break it:

“I have to.”

This is something I’ll think to myself multiple times throughout the day.

“Ugh, I have to get up.”

“I have to workout.”

“I have to do the laundry.”

And since April is around the corner…

“I have to work on my taxes.”

This might seem like a normal, harmless thought to have, and yet it sets the trajectory for the whole day. When I think to myself, “I have to,” about anything, it then becomes a chore; a dreaded activity that I’m being forced into doing like a child who is being called in from the playground to do their homework.

The fact of the matter is, we all have certain activities in our lives that are less enjoyable than others. And yet, if this thought is allowed to continue and grow, it will infiltrate the way you view everything . You can actually get to the point where you dread doing the very thing you love. I know, because I’ve actually gotten to that point many times before. Without being too specific, I’ve actually had that feeling of dread about some of the very things I’ve worked my whole life to be able to do.

And how did I get to that point? I let that weed of negativity grow. I had that attitude of, “ugh, I have to ____,” about something small and insignificant and it ended up becoming my attitude about almost everything .

Our lives are what we make of them. If there’s something in each of our lives that we absolutely cannot stand and feel like we’ll scream if we must do it once more, we all have the ability to make a change. But I’d venture to guess, it’s not so much the fact that you have to clean one more dish or change one more diaper, but rather your heart behind your action.

So, the way I’m working on breaking this habit is simple. Like stupid, simple.

When that thought creeps into my brain, I immediately replace it with, “I get to.”

“I get to go to work, because I’m blessed to live in a country where (I’m a woman and) I can own my own business, work as much as I want, and work in a field that I love.”

“I get to fold these clothes…because I have clothes. I am not cold and living on the streets. I get to fold all of these clothes, because I’ve been blessed financially.”

I could go on and on with all the “I get to’s” but frankly, everything I do on a daily basis is a blessing and a privilege; it’s up to me if I choose to view it that way or not.

And I’m not saying it’s easy, it definitely requires flexing my mental muscles more often, catching the bad habit before it begins, but it’s so simple.

And after a while of implementing this mental exercise, it will become a habit. That’s the beauty of habits. When we create good ones, after a while, it will become second nature. The trick is putting in the work now.

So, my challenge to you is this:

I’m sure there is something in your life that you have a negative attitude about and think, “I have to,” when it comes to carrying out that task or showing up for that responsibility. So, instead, this week, say to yourself, “I get to,” and even follow it up with a “because____,” and see how that simple exercise changes your entire outlook that day.

The Year the Music Was Made

Wed, 11 Jan 2017 14:32:00 GMT

I’ve never been one for New Years Resolutions. Perhaps working at a fitness center when I was 18 jaded me, but I’ve never seen the point in setting new goals for oneself simply because the calendar year has changed over.

However, after a year like last year, I’ve gained some new perspective for moving forward into 2017.

2016 was crazy .

I released 3 albums .

And I wrote two albums for two different up-in-coming artists.

It was definitely the year of music. It’s crazy to put pen to paper and realize the full weight of it but… The LOVE Project was a success! Thanks to, not only the 142 individuals who supported me financially, but all of the artists, musicians, photographers, designers & cinematographers who contributed their gifts & talents, this dream of releasing 3 albums in one year came to light.

So now that the music has been made, you might be wondering what my plans are next. You might not have been, but I’ll tell you anyway :)

2016 was definitely a year of living out my dreams and seeing so many of them come to fruition. I wish I could tell you that I enjoyed every minute of it, but if I’m honest, I let my type-A temperament get the best of me a lot and I worked a little too hard, stressed myself out and worried a little too much, and didn’t take the time to celebrate the victories. So, that’s New Year’s Resolution #1:

#1. Celebrate The Victories

Perhaps it’s perpetuated by climate of competition we all experience on social media, maybe it’s a musician thing, but sometimes the pursuit of these goals can turn into a rat race where, with every step forward, instead of seeing how far you’ve come, you focus on how far you have yet to go to get to where you want to be. The result of this is a constant state of discontentment and exhaustion. I’ve seen many social media posts the last few months from industry friends who are admitting how tired they are. How they thought they could do more than they could. And how they’ve decided to slow down and “smell the roses.” I’m in the same boat. And it’s no wonder. We share things because we want to share our excitement with others, but instead it breeds a spirit of covetousness and competition…even with ourselves. In 2016 I celebrated every milestone and victory with more hard work. Most album release nights I was up late, on my laptop, getting work done for the next project. So whatever projects I tackle in 2017, I’m going to make sure to pop open a bottle of wine at a fancy restaurant and celebrate with friends and family.

#2. Rest

I’m terrible at this. I don’t know how to rest. You know the scripture that says, “I beat my body and make it my slave [i] …?” Check. Got that one down. But the scripture (that happens to be one of the 10 Commandments) that says; “Honor the Sabbath day and keep it Holy [ii] …?” Whoops. #Fail

A couple years ago my lack of rest caught up to me and I developed health problems. And apparently, didn’t learn my lesson, because it happened again this fall. So 2017 will be a year of making new habits. Perhaps it may mean multitasking less…like actually watching a movie without doing something on my laptop at the same time. Maybe it’s just the simple discipline of blocking out time in my calendar each day for different restful activities I enjoy. Whatever the case may be, my second New Years Resolution is to rest .

#3. Play Hard, Work NOT as Hard

I’m a really hard worker. I’m not bragging, I’m confessing. Obviously if I don’t know how to rest to the point of developing health problems, it’s clear I’m really good at working. I’m also really good at taking life way too seriously and not having enough fun. Shocker, right? In all seriousness (ha) my resolution for 2017 is to liven it up and lighten it up. To play more. To laugh more. I have been blessed with a community of amazing friends and family, all of whom are quite interesting and frankly entertaining people. Honestly, I can’t think of a better way to have more fun and laugh more than to make it a goal to spend more time with these people. It’s not uncommon for me to turn down plans with people for work. And it’s silly, really, because it’s not like I have this tyrant for a boss that I can blame for making me work late hours and never take vacations. (I’m self-employed). So, first order of business is taking a beach vacation and when I get back, taking mini-vacations throughout the week to play with my niece and nephew, hang out with my friends, and do more of the things I enjoy. So, take me at my word for it. Let’s go all 1990 and if you’re one of my close friends, I expect a phone call asking, “Hey K, do you wanna play?” Yes. The answer is yes.

Future Plans:

This wouldn’t be a proper New Years Resolution post if I didn’t actually share some of my plans for 2017. Without any set deadlines or too many details, one of the ways I want to celebrate the victories is by continuing to celebrate each album I released in 2016. That said, in addition to continuing to travel and share these songs with people all over, I plan to release some music videos and lyric videos from each album.

One of my other goals, which shouldn’t come as much surprise, is to continue to write. In 2017 I’ll continue to write my own songs, songs for other artists, and blog. I also want to complete a book I’ve been working on for a while. No more details than that at this point, but putting it out there into the blogosphere is great accountability to make sure it will actually happen. Cause let’s face it, with each new creative venture comes new fears. But I’m excited for this book and how it might encourage people.

A few years ago I had a conversation with my old roommate about how I wanted my ministry to look. I had witnessed the shocking reality that there are many people that do great things for God, and accomplish great things, but unfortunately, get so wrapped up in the “work” they are doing, they forget that the real ministry they have been given is with the individuals they see on a daily basis. As sobering as that was for me to witness, I’m afraid it’s a lesson I’m still learning. I want to accomplish great things. I want to make the most of every second I’m here on earth. I want to spread the gospel, share my testimony, and see thousands of lives changed for the better because of the impact of my music and art. But I can make a “name for myself,” leave my mark on the world, and make a lot of noise, but it will only be just that , if I don’t love in the process. ( 1 Cor. 13:1 ) And that includes learning to love myself too. Maybe that might even be Resolution #4:

#4 LOVE better

I want to love well . But it’s difficult to love those around us if we don’t love, and care well for ourselves . If we are doing what scripture commands and “loving others as we love ourselves [iii] ,” but we aren’t very loving toward ourselves at all, it kind of negates the whole point of the command.

So, the overarching theme of my resolutions for 2017 is this: To continue the theme of The LOVE Project in learning to love God, others, and myself better in the new year, and the years to come.

Happy New Year everyone :)

[i] 1 Cor. 9:27

[ii] Exodus 20:8

[iii] Mark: 12:31

Skin

Sat, 24 Dec 2016 16:45:00 GMT

Every year Christmas strikes me in a new way. Perhaps because every year I struggle with Christmas, well, more specifically Christmas time , because December is dark and overcast and cold and gloomy.

Maybe that’s why the Light of the World shone His face upon us when He did. [i]

My issues with SAD aside, Christmas hit me in a more…physical way this year. Since I was little, I’ve heard about Jesus, born on this day, God in human form, who came and dwelt among us. It’s like all this time I never appreciated the importance of God coming and dwelling among us as one of us. He could have come in the form of a Greek god throwing thunder bolts all puffed up in His own strength or a political ruler, throwing His power and authority around. But He didn’t. He came as a person, just like you and me. Not born into high class or status or wealth. But even more than His humble birth position, born to Mary and Joseph…the simple fact that He was human has hit me square between the eyes, or rather, the shoulders.

The fact that Jesus put on skin and was born into a vulnerable, human body, means that He felt pain. He felt pain in every form. He was not exempt from scratches and scrapes, bruises, or even broken bones. We are told of the account of the immense physical pain he endured at Golgotha [ii] but not much about the physical pains He endured as a young boy. The fact that He was a boy, with brothers, I’m gonna go ahead and assume that there was wrestling and rough-housing and possible broken bones as a young boy.

Why does this matter?

This matters because He has felt our physical pain.

If you’ve ever experienced a long-term illness or physical injury, then you know full well how frustrating the healing process can be. You have to be patient with your body, rest, and abstain from certain activity all while learning to do other tasks in a new way to compensate. Not only can that wear on you, but constant pain literally causes depression. [iii]

What a comfort to know the God we love and serve literally understands the physical pains we will encounter during this lifetime. For me, when I’ve encountered something physical, there’s nothing more encouraging than talking to a friend who has had the exact same illness or injury. They don’t just offer their pity; they offer their empathy, because they get it.

No matter the type of pain you are feeling during this season, be it emotional or physical, we can take great comfort in knowing that what we are really celebrating this weekend is the birth of The Savior Jesus, the only One who truly understands our pain.

[i] Yes, I know the actual date of Jesus’ birth has been a topic of dispute for centuries. Frankly I don’t care what month it really happened, I’m thankful we celebrate it when we do, because December would be dreadful without it, or as C.S. Lewis puts it in his Chronicles of Narnia , “always winter, never Christmas.”

[ii] Matthew 27:32-54

[iii] Hall-Flavin, Daniel K., MD. “Is there a link between pain and depression? Can depression cause physical pain?.” Mayoclinic.org. N.p., n.d. Web. 24 Dec. 2016. <http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/pain-and-depreassion/faq-20057823>

A Holy Perspective

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 00:00:00 GMT

Food & Fasting, Guest Post 2: Alaina’s Story

By now you may be tired of reading about me whining about my food issues. Trust me, I’m tired of having them and talking about them. But I’ve been on this journey, not just with finding balance in health & fitness, and eating & fasting, but trying to figure out just what exactly it means to honor God with this area of my life.

It’s an interesting time of year to write about this as we’re all busy baking Christmas cookies, sipping on hot cocoa, and indulging in foods we only do during this season, so I figured I’d bring in an outsider’s perspective who doesn’t exactly partake in these “Gentile traditions.”

This is Alaina’s story:

1. Being a Messianic Jew, what are the dietary restrictions you follow?

Alaina: We follow the laws of Kashrut, which is the Jewish dietary laws outlined in the Torah.

2. For us ignorant Gentiles, what does Kosher even mean exactly?

Alaina: The word Kosher in Hebrew means fit, or proper, and the laws of Kashrut outlines the biblical dietary restrictions for both Jews and believing Gentiles (not all laws of kashrut are required of believing Gentiles as they are for Jews). It is a popular belief that kosher food, particularly meat needs to be blessed by a rabbi for it to be “Kosher,” but this is not true. Jews do have blessings that are recited over food before anything is eaten, but these blessings do not make the food “kosher.” The laws of Kashrut outline what animals are fit to be eaten, and how the food is cooked and prepared.

3. What are some dietary restrictions listed in the Bible for Gentiles (other Christians) to follow that most don’t?

Alaina: The biggest dietary restriction is when it comes to meat. The bible outlines in Acts 15 that Gentiles should abstain from eating blood, improperly slaughtered animals, and meat offered unto idols.

4. In addition to obeying God and honoring God with your diet, what’s some research you’ve found on the health benefits to abstaining from these foods?

Alaina: This is another misconception of Kashrut, many people think that the Kosher laws were given because of health reasons, for example it is healthier to abstain from eating pig, kosher slaughtering techniques make the meat better for you, and separating meat and dairy can be better for digestion, but although some health benefits are an added bonus to the kosher laws, this is not the reason for the Jewish dietary restrictions. Many of the laws of Kashrut have nothing to do with health reasons, for example, separating meat and dairy dishes in a kosher kitchen. We do not know why God has commanded us to observe many of the dietary restrictions, but we follow them because the Torah says so. There are many things that the Torah commands us to do, but we do not know why, and the kosher laws are one of them. But the most obvious reason God gave these laws are to set apart Israel from the nations. As Jews and believing Gentiles, we are called to be set apart from the world, and to model holiness. By following the laws of kashrut, we are elevating the mundane act of eating, and turning every meal into a religious ritual. We are constantly reminded that we are set apart when we adhere to a kosher diet, and we are reminded at every meal that we have made a commitment to God to demonstrate this holiness to the rest of the world.

5. In order to obey God with your diet, what’s a typical trip to the grocery store like?

Alaina: We have a kosher kitchen at home, and although grocery shopping can seem overwhelming at first, it is actually not that challenging once you get the hang of it. In a kosher kitchen, you separate meat and dairy, and have separate dishes for both meat and dairy products. One simple reason for this is that meat is associated with death because an animal was slaughtered and milk is associated with life because it nurtures the young. God throughout the Bible is pretty serious about the separation of life and death, so we Jews tend to take the separation of milk and dairy serious. Because the modern food industry has hidden ingredients in almost everything, the Rabbis have certified labels called “hechshers” on all products that are certified kosher. These labels will say if the product is categorized as “dairy,” “meat,” or “pareve,” which is is comprised of foods which are neither meat nor dairy and may therefore be eaten with either. When we go to the grocery store all items in a package needs to be certified, but you get to know the products pretty quick and which stores offer a greater variety of kosher products. For meat and dairy, these also need to be certified, the meat certification means that it has been slaughtered according to Jewish law. The certification on the dairy products ensures that it was not made with animal rennet, which is a popular bi-product in dairy products. Kosher meat is not available in all grocery stores, but Trader Joes and other specialty stores do offer kosher meat such as chicken and beef, and in larger cities like New York or Los Angeles you have kosher butchers which offer a greater variety of meats. Fruits, vegetables, nuts, and seeds do not need any certification on it and can be purchased at any grocery store.

6. How about when you eat out?

Alaina: Observant Jews will only eat at kosher restaurants, but we adhere to a more conservative approach to eating out at restaurants. Our first choice when dining out is to pick a kosher restaurant, and if none is available then we choose a vegetarian restaurant, but if we are at a non-kosher restaurant that serves meat we will choose a cold vegetarian option such as a salad .

7. How do you handle parties or other social settings involving food?

Alaina: Similarly as eating out, we would just stick to vegetarian options at a party or other social settings.

8. You mentioned in one of our previous conversations that the way you pray before each meal and for different types of food in front of you varies. Can you give me an example of each of these prayers?

Alaina: Sure! The Sages said that "one should not derive benefit from this world without first reciting a blessing." We make different blessings for the various kinds of food, for example a blessing for bread, fruit, vegetables, and wine. This blessing infuses the act of eating with a higher purpose, and an awareness that everything we have comes from our creator.

An example of a blessing is the blessing over bread, traditionally we say this blessing in Hebrew, but in English it can be translated as, “Blessed are You, Lord our G od, King of the Universe, Who brings forth bread from the earth.”

9. Overall, how does following this type of diet affect your relationship with God?

Alaina: The kosher laws are a constant reminder that God has separated us Jews and believing gentiles from the nations, to be holy and to demonstrate this holiness to the rest of the world. Food is such a huge part of life, and by elevating this mundane act we are always reminded of God’s love and provision for us.

10. Overall, how does following this diet affect you physically?

Alaina: Eating Kosher does not necessarily mean that you have a healthy diet, I do notice that I eat healthier when I am out since I am limited with choices at restaurant’s, but besides keeping kosher I try and eat organic whenever I can and maintain a balanced diet with limited sugar and sweets.

11. Has there ever been a time that you did not adhere to this diet that you felt the physical effects afterward?

Alaina: Eating Kosher has been a process, since I did not grow up observing the laws of kashrut. At the beginning, I did not realize all the hidden meat or milk products in processed food, and I would find out something had meat byproducts after I consumed it. I would not feel physically sick after consuming something that was not kosher but it did make me realize that I had to pay closer attention to make sure that the products I am consuming is certified kosher.

12. Are there times that you wish you didn’t have to go through all of this hassle?

Alaina: There are times that I wish I could eat anything and not think about it. Most of the time it is just a way of life, and I am not bothered by it, but other times I do think life would be easier without the restrictions. At the end of the day though, I am very happy that God called me to a more observant life, and I would not change it for the world.

13. What motivates you to continue to live and eat this way?

Alaina: Although it is not always easy, I have made a commitment to my creator to observe the laws of Kashrut. Many people read about the kosher laws and are turned off by the strictness of it, but I find it liberating to know there is a guide to follow. Similarly to other Jewish laws and traditions, once you learn them and apply them to your life there is greater joy and freedom. I think of it like a parent setting rules for a toddler, it is out of love for the toddler, and within that framework that toddler has more freedom then if they did not have any rules or structure at all.

Beautifully said Alaina.

Having these types of conversations with different friends, on different journeys with food has brought me to a place of heightened awareness.

For one, it’s easy to judge people: when you see them indulging, when you see them abstaining; it’s easy to make assumptions, but everyone’s story is their own.

I often get asked if or when I’m going to be able to eat “normal” again.

To me, “normal” meant ignorant. Normal meant eating any and everything and not giving it a second thought. Normal meant not taking care of my body and not considering what God thought about this part of my life. With all of the research I’ve done, the questions I’ve asked, and the experimenting, I know I can’t ever go back. Sure, once some of my health issues resolve I may be able to have some foods that I can’t currently have, but I never intend to go back to that “normal.”

My new normal is this:

Maybe once this is all over I’ll write a cookbook, but for now, this next chapter for me will be less about food blogging and research and more about living out all of the ways God has called me to be set apart, and that includes food.

This Means War

Mon, 05 Dec 2016 17:07:00 GMT

For some, Christmas is a season that is always merry and bright.

For others, it is dark, cold, and difficult.

In preparing for my first Christmas album I took all things into consideration. The climate of the country I live in. The struggles I personally face, feeling “low” during the winter months, and the general controversy we all see this time of year surrounding the celebration of Christmas.

Though many people can’t get enough Santa Baby and Silver Bells , the older I get, all of that feels empty to me. So I wanted to write an album that would encourage people, like myself during the Christmas season.

One of the songs, Crimson To White, was written in a timely fashion, (on Christmas Eve of 2014 to be exact). I completed writing and arranging the remaining songs this past June. This was not only a stressful time in my own life, while I was in the middle of moving and completing the finishing touches on album #2 of The LOVE Project, but it was also a difficult time in the world. It seemed like every time you turned on the TV there was another terror attack, more minority and police brutality, more hate, more vitriol, and more sin. I am someone who cannot brush off injustice and evil easily. Some can watch the news and read updates on their phone and say, “Ah, well, that’s the world.” I read it and hear it and feel like dressing in sackcloth and covering myself in ash.

So, as I prayed and began planning just what this album was going to sound like, I read the words of the traditional Christmas Carols we hear every Christmas. What stood out to me the most was the outcry: “O Come. Come Back Lord. Come rescue us from our wicked ways. Come save us from our oppression. Come and heal our land. Heal this race of people we’ve become.”

It was apparent that the outcry of the authors of these traditional hymns was the same as my own outcry, the same as the outcry of that time; the outcry of a world begging God for a Savior; a hurting world in desperate need of LOVE.

It was in that moment that I knew the vision for the album.

For me, Christmas isn’t about Jingle Bells; Christmas means war.

Christmas is when the outcry of the human race reached the ears of the almighty God and, in His loving kindness He sent a Savior. The Savior. Jesus was born to save all of humanity. In that very act of being born, Jesus declared WAR on death. It was a bloody battle, both on the first day and the last, but Jesus fought and WON that war on our behalf.

So when I arrived at Haxton Road Studios to complete the third and final album of the Love Project, that’s the vision I communicated to the musicians working on the project with me and they were in agreement with me: Christmas is Jesus declaring war on darkness.

Now that the album is complete, I couldn’t be happier with the result as I believe we truly captured the essence of the outcry:

O come, o come Emmanuel.

Special thank you to everyone who contributed to The LOVE Project .

We did it!

Thanksgiving: A Few Last Words

Sun, 27 Nov 2016 18:46:00 GMT

We have a rule in our family.

Well, let’s be honest, (I grew up Nazarene); we have a lot of rules.

But our rule is this: no skipping over Thanksgiving.

This is specifically my mom’s rule, but since “Thou shalt honor thy father and mother” is also a biggie, that means mom’s rules trump all others.

This is one of the reasons why I’m waiting till December 1st to release my Christmas album ( surprise! I’m releasing my Christmas album December 1st! )

My mom is a woman of great faith. She’s also a prayer warrior. As a child, I was intimidated to pray out loud because I didn’t think I could ever possibly pray a prayer that could rival any of hers (I’ve since learned that’s not the goal of prayer).

But what do you do when you’re all prayed out & out of faith?

You give thanks .

Let me explain.

Contrary to what the majority of us saw on our Instagram & Facebook feeds on Thursday, Thanksgiving is never picture perfect. Sure, we make it appear as though it were, but behind every picture of a happy couple giving thanks is the fight that proceeded or preceded that picture. Behind every image of the perfect Thanksgiving dish is the one of the burnt, Pinterest fail rotting in the trash bin (I burnt candied walnuts this year).

Thanksgiving is no different than any other day; all prone to chaos and distress.

Even though you didn’t see it on your feed, many people spent the night in the ER with a family member. Even though you didn’t see it, many people had a few empty chairs at the table due to a death or family discord. Even though you didn’t see it, many people scrimped and saved to put any food on the table at all.

I’ve had some great Thanksgivings, but I’ve also had some tough ones. This year I spent 10 hours on my feet preparing food that meets the dietary specifications I currently have to follow for health reasons. Sure, I do my best to stay positive about it and try to turn it into a fun hobby, but it’s not always easy, and sometimes I wish I didn’t have to go to all of the trouble. That wasn’t terrible.

Then, Friday morning I woke up to a very sick dog that, for the next 48 hours, panted, paced, whined & clawed at me as she tried to pass a kidney stone.

Holidays aren’t always perfect.

No days are perfect, and it can feel worse when perpetuated by the illusion we all advertise on social media.

It’s been a tough one. I’ve had far worse Thanksgivings in the past. And, I know I haven’t even had it anywhere near as difficult as some.

So how do we give Thanks when our Thanksgiving doesn’t meet the Instagram-able, Hallmark card standard?

Today I’m reminded of a time of breaking bread and giving Thanks long ago, only this story didn’t involve pilgrims:

“He took some bread and gave thanks to God for it. Then He broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this to remember me.” ~Luke 22:19

It’s easy to read this passage of scripture and only see the prayer of thanks as a prayer before a meal, but today I see it as something very different; Jesus thanking God for His future suffering. The bread represented a body. His body. His body that was about to be flogged whipped, beaten, and nailed to a cross. And He thanked God.

It’s easy to thank God for blessings. It’s difficult to thank Him for suffering. And yet, that is the manifesto of the upside down kingdom:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” ~James 1:2-3

Thanking God for trials is the last thing we feel like doing when we’re walking through them. In fact, the idea of it seems downright masochistic. But gratitude is not just something we should do to remember all that we have to be thankful for; it is a powerful weapon, and sometimes our only weapon against the attacks of the Enemy.

In the middle of my weariness and just a total emotional breakdown, watching my poor dog anxiously panting and pacing back and forth, writhing in pain, feeling helpless and drained, my faith-filled mama prayed with me and reminded me that the best thing I can do is praise God. We praise God, because, when we are feeling hopeless, it is the only thing that will renew our hope again.

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.” ~Romans 5:3-5

Check that out:

Trials --> Endurance --> Character --> HOPE

Praising God for our trials literally restores our hope again, even when our situation feels utterly hopeless. Because, as believers, we know that the only way our hope will remain steadfast is if we put it fully into the Rock of our salvation, Jesus Christ. When we put our hope in God, it will not waver. When we put this hope in our own abilities or anything else in this world, it will fail us every time. Jesus, however, is our confident hope:

“Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.” ~Romans 12:12

“Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later... But with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us. We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.) And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

~Romans 8:18, 20-21, 23-28 (emphasis mine)

Everything I had hoped for from the LORD is lost!” The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!” The LORD is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the LORD.” ~Lamentations 3:18-26 NLT (emphasis mine)

“Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you…” ~Isaiah 30:20

So maybe this Thanksgiving, instead of turkey and stuffing, God gave you adversity for food. Perhaps instead of sparkling grape juice or the finest of red wines, you drank suffering. But we have these promises from the Lord: In this world we will have trouble, but we can take heart, because He has overcome the world (John 16:33) and, no matter what we face, He will be with you.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His faithful love endures forever.”

~ Psalm 118:1

Fasting: Part 2

Thu, 10 Nov 2016 17:15:00 GMT

1 Corinthians 10:31

If I could fast forever and not die I would. Honestly.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, over the past few years I’ve become a total foodie. I love food. I love cooking it. I love the act of chewing it. And I love the taste of it; but all of that pales in comparison to the closeness I felt with God during my fast, a closeness I desire to have at all times, a closeness that, for whatever reason, is lacking when I’m having three meals a day. Perhaps it all boils down to how fervently we seek God when we are in want. And when you are hungry, you are in want.

But you and I cannot fast forever. We must learn what it is to 1. Have that closeness with the Lord on a daily basis and 2. Honor God with our bodies by the foods we choose to put inside of them.

At the time when I was preparing to do the fast, I began reading the Old Testament again. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that what kept sticking out to me were different portions of scripture where God gave commandments regarding food.

I find it fascinating that the very first sin involved food. Here Adam and Eve were, in a garden surrounded by food. Food they didn’t have to work for. Food that was readily available. I doubt Eve was even remotely hungry when the serpent approached and convinced her she was somehow being deprived. And she caved. Yes, he tempted her with much more than just food, but what she and Adam ultimately gave up just for that one bite of food was, well…everything.

I also find it interesting that there are many other places in the Bible where God told certain people not to eat certain things. God’s food restrictions for His people weren’t always general 10 Commandment rules for everyone to follow…sometimes they were instructions only for some .

There are many other examples of dietary restrictions for certain followers of God, but my point is this: God cares about what we eat. It matters to Him. 1 Corinthians 6:19 says:

Though I’m familiar with many New Testament scriptures deeming all foods clean and permissible, specifically what Jesus said as recorded in Mark 7:14-23 , Paul’s account in Romans 14:14-21 is interesting. I’ve highlighted the portions that stick out to me the most:

This speaks volumes about the way we are to respect food, not just to be careful when eating food in front of others who can’t have it, but also in determining what’s unclean to us . I’m learning that we may get our specifications for “unclean” from Leviticus or Daniel, or we may get those specifications from an allergy test, a doctor, or our own personal experience with that food.

So that’s where I am. I’ve come to the tough conclusion that there are certain foods that are unclean for me. They’re unclean for me, frankly, because they make me sick. When I have dairy I get a sinus infection – like clockwork. When I have gluten, I have intestinal inflammation. The same can sometimes go for non-gluten grains and sugar, so I have to be very careful and eat these foods in very strict moderation and, at times (especially when under stress), completely eliminate them from my diet.

I’m writing about this because this is not easy. It is very hard to adhere to this diet. But fasting taught me something: I can do anything if I’m doing it for God. Before and after my extended fast, those 3-day juice fasts or bone broth fasts for health or fitness purposes and it were extremely hard. But, somehow, a water fast for 14 days to honor and obey God was a lot easier. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a breeze but it was possible because I was able to do it by the strength and grace of God and God alone.

So here’s my challenge to my readers today:

Maybe you need to do a fast, to reset your spiritual life, your mental stability, or your spiritual well-being…or even all three. Maybe you need to start obeying God by abstaining from some foods that you know aren’t good for you, be it because of an allergy or intolerance, or some other health reasons. Maybe you need to learn more about moderation. Maybe you should be eating more. Maybe you should be eating less. I believe fasting can help that. I believe Whole30 , the Daniel Fast , or other plant-based diets for a time can also help that.

Here’s the kicker for me: God loves me and doesn’t like to see me sick. He wants to use my life for His purposes but I’m not much good if I’m laid up in bed with stomach cramps, indigestion, fatigue, and headaches. But more so than not being “equipped for service,” that’s just simply no way to live. So perhaps finding the art of obedience in the area of food is a much better alternative.

[i] Matthew 3:4

[ii] Luke 7:33-34

[iii] Daniel 1:8-15

[iv] Daniel 10:2-3

Fasting: Part 1

Mon, 07 Nov 2016 00:00:00 GMT

Everyone should fast. Everyone.

A few months ago I didn’t hold to that belief, but I hold it as strong as any other aspect of my faith now. I was somewhat familiar with the concept of fasting growing up. As a kid, I heard my parents and other adults in our congregation talking about meeting together to pray and fast. As an adult, my friends and family have offered to pray and fast for me here and there. And I even fasted a couple of times, especially in times of crisis. But even then, I didn’t really understand the importance of it, nor how commonplace fasting is in the Bible. This past summer I had been fasting regularly 1-2 days out of the month. Sometimes it was for prayer, other times in solidarity with another believer who was fasting. Prior to that, the longest time I went without food was a 3-day juice cleanse that I barely survived (or so I thought at the time). Though it’s an expression of worship and act of faith I knew of, it is definitely something I didn’t fully grasp until recently, when the Holy Spirit led me into an extended fast. It was one of those random days out of the month that I opted to fast and pray and I was sitting outside on the patio praying and journaling. As I journaled my prayers, I found that everything I was praying were prayers I felt as though I’d been praying over and over for a long time, but was still awaiting answers to. As I looked at my lists, the overarching prayer became, “God, I just need a breakthrough in all of these areas.” While I was praying I remembered a book a friend had given me a few years back, simply called, Fasting . It was as if God spoke to my spirit and said, “Remember that book? It’s on your bookshelf on the second shelf. Go get that book and start reading.” So I did, and immediately my eyes were opened to story after story in the Bible where the followers of God not only prayed and saw the Hand of God move…they fasted. These were passages of scripture that I had read and heard countless times but, somehow, I missed a pretty significant detail: fasting. The book also gives countless testimony of members of the author’s church who partake in a 21-day church-wide fast every January and the outcomes of their experiences; like marriages being restored, financial provision, and even complete healing from cancer. As I continued reading and praying, I knew I needed to get serious in my obedience to God and begin an extended fast. So I set out to fast for 7-10 days. Only water.

Since my time frame was open, I prayed that God would show me when to break the fast. I was really hoping for 7 days. But that’s not what I heard from God. Three days into the fast I felt the Lord tell me in my spirit to do 14 days. So I did. And, as I’ve said, it was hands down the best thing I have ever done for my spiritual life and relationship with God. Let me just stop here to say that I do not have super-human discipline. I am not sharing any of this to be all, “Hey, look at how religious and awesome and holy I am;” on the contrary. Though the fast was one of the best things I’ve ever done, it was also one of the hardest and I lived off of both my prayers and the prayers of others during those 2 weeks. So why am I writing about all of this? The reason my blog is titled, “The Art of Obedience,” is not because it sounds cute. It’s because, be it music, art, food, fitness, or any other area of my life, I want to be obedient in everything God calls me to do. I want it all to be an act of worship. So, my reason for sharing so openly about this particular area is to give testimony of part of my faith walk where I had been lacking and now intend to be more obedient in. ‘Cause growing up everything I heard about fasting always seemed so secretive that fasting was kind of an enigma. I knew Jesus did it for 40 days [i] , and I knew of the Bible verses [ii] which explain how you’re not really supposed to talk about the fact that you’re fasting when you are, so I guess, because of those scriptures, it’s unfortunately become something we just don’t talk much about at all . But after doing this fast, sharing with friends and family members, and reading countless testimony after testimony in Franklin Jentezen’s Fasting , I now realize how others can be encouraged and edified through practicing the discipline of fasting and sharing how God worked in their lives during and after their fast. So here’s what I learned: 1. Food clogs up your brain It’s amazing how simply not eating clears your head and helps you think straight. Though I felt weak and depended heavily on the prayers of family and friends at certain points throughout the fast (particularly the first few days) I can honestly say I never felt better. Yes, in a general sense of the word I felt weak and the hunger never escaped me, but this caused me to be more intentional. Because I didn’t have extra energy to expend, I was ten times more intentional in my interactions with people. I chose my words more carefully, I thought before I spoke, and I only spoke when I felt it necessary. It was the same, obviously, in my prayers. At first I began with my laundry list of requests, but as the fast continued, they looked more like, “God, what do you want to say to me? Who can I pray for today? How can I honor You with this day?” Which leads me to my second observation: 2. Fasting opens your ears to both the Holy Spirit’s promptings & convictions When you ask the Holy Spirit to convict you and show you the areas of your life that don’t honor God, He will show you, and then some. :) In Jentezen’s Fasting , he tells a story of a woman who dropped a teapot in a well as a child and, years later, asked some people to dig it out to find the teapot. As they were digging, they found many, many other things that were dropped and lost in the well also. Franklin explains that fasting is like that well; you enter into it with certain prayers and expectations, and the Holy Spirit shows you why He really led you into a time of fasting. For me it was how I can be more intentional in my prayer life for the people I interact with on a daily basis, the fruits of the Spirit like joy, patience, kindness, faithfulness, and self control that I haven’t been modeling Jesus in, and ultimately how my first response in all areas of my life is always, “what can I do to make this happen,” instead of, “How can I pray and wait expectantly for God to make this happen?” My time of fasting revealed many things and I went into it for many reasons. God already began revealing answers to those prayers the day I broke my fast. Others I’m still waiting on. But those fruits I’m missing, that power struggle for control, the wavering faith; those areas He began chiseling away at during my fast and has continued to since. 3. Fasting feels like being on vacation with God This is the best way I can describe those two weeks. As someone in ministry, feeling like I’m constantly under attack from the Enemy and residing in a battlefield of spiritual warfare has become the norm. My time of fasting, however, was a wonderful respite from that. And because I was literally praying from the moment my eyes opened in the morning until I shut them at night, I felt so near to the presence of God. I talked to Him all day long for 14 days. By the time day 13 rolled around I didn’t want it to end. I had more energy on days 13 and 14 than I have on any day where I got 8 hours of sleep, drank coffee, and ate plenty of energizing foods. I slept better than I ever have during those 14 days. I felt the nearness and presence of God in a more tangible way than ever before, and I was honestly sad that it was coming to an end. I led worship in church during the last two days of the fast. Normally, after a weekend of leading for 5 services, by Sunday afternoon I have nothing left. I usually just completely crash, wanting to do nothing more than indulge in a movie and some of my favorite foods. You know, do and eat the things that bring you comfort. But there is no such thing as comfort food on a fast, Jesus is your only comfort. And honestly, I wasn’t even tired Sunday afternoon and had no desire to watch a movie. I had also fasted from TV during those two weeks as well, simply because it felt like it would just poison that sweet time I was spending with God, so when a friend asked me how I’d celebrate the last few hours, I told her that I was just going to do what I did every day during those 14 days; I walked for a few miles and talked with God. It was the perfect ending to my little two-week vacation from food. So why should everyone fast? There are a million answers I could give here, but this is the simplest: Fasting is the best way I've learned to get closer to God. That is why the Lord says,
“Turn to me now, while there is time.
Give me your hearts.
Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning.
Don’t tear your clothing in your grief,
but tear your hearts instead.”
Return to the Lord your God,
for he is merciful and compassionate,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
He is eager to relent and not punish. ~Joel 2:12-13~
[i] Matthew 4:1-11 [ii] Matthew 6:16-18

Compromise

Thu, 22 Sep 2016 00:00:00 GMT

Has the pendulum swung too far…again

This is a question I have been asking myself lately. The pendulum, however, is my own internal one, that which holds the plumb line of standards in place.

I beg the question because I have noticed in recent years, the adaptation of a doctrine of compromise

When my generation were all young kids, those in the church were most likely indoctrinated with legalism and, as a result, fundamentalism.

What felt like rules for the sake of rules, like no dancing, complete abstention from alcohol, and even the forbiddance of women from wearing jeans , birthed a generation which asked the question “why,” and when they realized that dancing was fun and they were able to partake without stumbling, it begged the question of “what else are we being told we shouldn’t do that maybe we could .”

So now, here we are, it’s 2016. Pastors have tattoos, we carry our coffee into the sanctuary worship center, not only do women wear jeans, we darn well wear whatever we feel like it…and so do men, Bible study small groups serve alcoholic beverages, and Christian culture has grown into one of acceptance and tolerance.

We have progressed. What was once fire and brimstone, finger pointing and name calling now promotes acceptance, love, and understanding of people where they are.

I think many people would argue that the pendulum in our parents’ era, and, especially our parent’s parents’ era had swung way too far to the right and the pull toward the middle was healthy.

And yet, here I am, questioning if I have become far too left of center.

At what point will I know, will we know, if we’ve gone too far?

The Bible teaches we are to be in the world and not of the world [i] . So what does that look like? Does that mean it’s okay to be at the bar but not partake? Or partake, but not too much? Where is the boundary?

What about over indulgence in food?

Here’s my dilemma: if we cause another person to stumble by our actions, then we are at fault, right?

So, though we have the freedom to wear whatever we want, is it okay for a woman to wear a low-cut shirt and sit front row in church, right in plain sight for the pastor to have to be distracted by the whole service?

Though we have the freedom to eat and drink, is it okay for someone to have way too much of either and behave completely out of line with scripture, but justify it with forgiveness and grace, only to repeat the same behavior the following weekend?

The question is, when is enough, enough? When is too far, too far?

This isn’t a question I can answer for you, it is simply a question I have been asking myself .

Jesus is revealing to me what parts of me are becoming a distraction or stumbling block in which I need to do away with for a time until I can become a better steward of these areas.

As the Lord has been working on my heart, He has directed me to scriptures such as, “Be perfect, therefore, as your Heavenly Father is perfect. [ii] ” And, “I have come not to abolish the law, but to fulfill it [iii] ,” and further still, “If you right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out, and if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away [iv] .”

These words are not Old Testament law. These are the words of Jesus.

And when I read those, I’m cut to the core, straight through the marrow. And it makes me question things.

Things like, what kind of movies and music I expose myself to. The kind of humor or language I share with friends. What things I look to for comfort when I should be going to God first. How I spend my time and money. And, for me at least, what am I spending the majority of my time on a daily basis thinking about.

It’s interesting. In my many years of being a Christian, I feel like I’m finally coming to a place where I am so fully aware of my desperate need for grace.

Consequently enough, I then realize how I’ve cheapened it through justification.

It’s so easy to compromise and make excuses because you know you have forgiveness waiting for you on the other side of that poor decision.

Something else I have seen in my own life, as well as the lives of those close to me is the after effects of trials, pain, and heartache. We become calloused and maybe even rebellious, with an attitude of, “Well God, I tried things Your way and look where that got me.” This tells me that maybe our motives for living a righteous life are a little…off. If we truly examine ourselves, are walking the straight and narrow because of what we believe God will reward us with as a result, or are we walking it because of our unwavering love for Christ, knowing that leading the life that He has called us to will honor Him?

After all, my Bible says it “rains on the righteous and the unrighteous [v] .”

So maybe the real question we must ask ourselves is not so much, “what have I adapted to that I shouldn’t,” but rather why?

If it is so easy for us to choose the path that is wide, that tells me that we don’t really believe God. Not really.

Rather we believe the lies, “Did God really say that [vi] ?”

It is up to us to answer with, “Yes, yes He did.”

So, again, I’m not pointing fingers or saying one thing is bad and one thing isn’t. After all, I don a tattoo on my right foot as a personal reminder of one of my favorite stories in scripture, and I’m sure many Christians would condemn me for that.

The purpose of this is to inspire you to take your own personal inventory.

What do you feel you have compromised on? Where have you become too lax? Where are you taking God’s grace for granted by repeatedly involving yourself in a behavior you know you shouldn’t?

Who knows how or when the pendulum will swing in our society. I truly believe a lot of the change that happened in the Church since I was young has been for the better. Consequently enough, one of those changes is that which prompts one to ask questions and figure out why they believe what they believe. It is that philosophy that has brought me to this place of self-assessment, realizing there are some things I’ve been too lax on and want to change so that I better exemplify Christ.

The question is: what is it for you?

After you ask this question and are honest with yourself, don’t sit in condemnation. Admit to yourself and to God where you need help, ask for forgiveness, then hold fast to His promise that, because Jesus died on the cross for our past, our present, and our future, we can rest in the knowledge that we can Begin Again .

[i] 1 John 2:15, John 15:9, James 4:4, & Romans 12:2

[ii] Matthew 5:48

[iii] Matthew 5:17

[iv] Matthew 5:29-30

[v] Matthew 5:45

[vi] Genesis 3:1

Wasted Perfume

Mon, 19 Sep 2016 00:00:00 GMT

Jesus was in Bethany. He was at the table in the home of Simon, who had a skin disease. A woman came with a special sealed jar . It contained very expensive perfume made out of pure nard. She broke the jar open and poured the perfume on Jesus’ head. Some of the people there became angry . They said to one another, “ Why waste this perfume ? It could have been sold for more than a year’s pay. The money could have been given to poor people.” So they found fault with the woman .

“Leave her alone,” Jesus said. “Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. You will always have poor people with you. You can help them any time you want to. But you will not always have me. She did what she could . She poured perfume on my body to prepare me to be buried. What I’m about to tell you is true. What she has done will be told anywhere the good news is preached all over the world. It will be told in memory of her . --Mark 14:3-9 (emphasis mine)

Believe it or not, I’ve had my doubts over whether or not it was the best decision to release three albums in one year. It’s pretty lucrative, time-consuming, and expensive. Maybe that’s why nobody does it. Most artists release one album, tour and write, then release the next album a year or two later. For the most part, I’ve had confidence in my decision. When you’re sticking close to Jesus, praying continually, and are in the Word daily, that confidence in your ability to hear and discern His voice increases. However, when you’re tired, physically & mentally drained, and anxious about how it’s all going to come together, it’s easy for those doubts to come creeping in. I wrestled with these feelings when I was in the studio recording the third album of The Love Project this summer. I lay in bed completely zapped of all energy and thought to myself, “Is all of this worth it?” After all, most people my age are investing all of their time, money, and energy into building new homes, financial portfolios, and growing their families. And in that moment I thought of that passage of scripture in Mark 14 and wondered, “Is this just wasted perfume?” When I am being honest with myself and I read that scripture, I tend to side with the angry people. I’m so guilty of judging the way organizations and churches spend their efforts and money. I mean, aren’t we all? We see a church spending a lot of time and money on some sort of outreach project or silly sermon illustration and we become critical and think that time and money could have gone to something else. The fact of the matter is, God and God alone is the only One able to judge the hearts of those who bring Him sacrifices. I’ve been reading through Genesis and it always amazes me how critical we can be of Cain’s sacrifice and assert our own suppositions about it. The fact of the matter is, scripture tells us that both Cain and Abel brought the Lord offerings, but it was God who was able to judge their hearts and differentiate between their intentions. [i] So as I not only prepare to release the third album of The Love Project this fall, but also prepare for upcoming concerts and worship services, I’m meditating a lot on Mark 14. Worship and music ministry are interesting in that, we as musicians and worship leaders do a lot of what we do for others . Let me break it down. When you’re planning a service, you try to choose songs that will flow well together. That involves key changes, transitions, and the tone set by each song. Then you factor in the theme of the evening or what the morning message will be. And with every plan you put into place, you’re considering the congregation or audience: when you should have them stand, clap, or sing, or simply just how to inspire them to become engaged and help them worship. These are all great things to consider and yet, I keep going back to Mark 14. The woman poured perfume on Jesus as her own personal act of worship. She did it in the presence of scoffers and mockers, but did it anyway because she felt led to do it. She didn’t do it to inspire, set an example, or teach . She did it as a personal sacrifice between her and her Lord. What followed were Jesus’ prophetic Words that her story would impact millions way after her death. Much like worship leading, songwriters definitely feel that “need to please” when putting together an album. For the most part, at least in my case, songs start out as personal feelings and thoughts, stories, or prayers. Then as it gets closer to the production of an album, you are considering your target audience: what songs are their favorite, do you have enough up-tempo songs to make the phlegmatic and sanguine happy, do you have enough slow, minor songs to appease the melancholy, and, of course, cover songs to make it familiar to everyone. All these things are great to consider, but God keeps taking me back to Mark 14. No matter our act of worship. No matter the sacrifice we bring. No matter the type of work we are doing; we are to do it first and foremost for the Lord. (See Colossians 3:17) And if that is our motive, it is quite possible that perfume will pour out and overflow into the lives of those all around us and they will be impacted by “the beautiful thing we have done.” So, this is my own personal challenge as I continue to write and release music and lead worship and engage in other creative projects: I want my sole aim to be pleasing my King. And perhaps in doing so “what I have done “will be told anywhere the good news is preached all over the world in memory of me,” and others will be inspired to do the same as well. So go ahead. Dump out every last drop of your most expensive perfume onto Jesus. After all, nothing is wasted in the Kingdom of God.
[i] Genesis 4:2-7

What A Beautiful Bride

Thu, 15 Sep 2016 00:00:00 GMT

I’ve been a part of the Church for long enough now to have witnessed her treatment both outwardly and from within. I think it’s safe to say that my generation has been one to take a hard look at the Church as a whole in an attempt to be honest about it’s faults and failures and, in the process, become a Church that looks more like the Body of Christ Jesus called us to be, rather than a religious institution which alienates it’s outsiders and stands to serve itself alone. While self reflection and conviction are all a part of the refining process in which we all must endure to be molded and shaped into that which resembles Christ (and I encourage this process), sometimes I wonder if we have taken it a step too far. I can honestly say that within the past 10 years or so I’ve seen more Church bashing from within than from outsiders. There will always be the nonbelievers, the nay-sayers, the opposed, but my question is, have we gone too far in joining them in the jeers and jabs toward the beloved Church? I really don’t know what the answer is, or the proper formula for walking the tightrope of criticism and critique in this matter. Sure, I think God often looks upon us and the ways the Church has acted with his head in his hands saying to himself, “That’s not what I meant,” all the while the Church believes they are acting out of Biblical principles and not making matters worse. What I do know is Christ LOVES His Church. He DIED for His Church. He is in a jealous pursuit for His Church; so much so that He calls his Church His bride . So, amidst all of the name calling and finger pointing, somewhere along the lines I picture Christ saying, “now wait a minute, don’t talk about my bride like that!” And if that is the proper stance, to side with Christ in defense of His beloved Bride, I’d like to use these pages to celebrate and commend what She has done for me. I have grown up with Her. I have seen what She has done to serve and honor her Husband. I have seen Her put in long hours, volunteer Her time, make meals for the needy, train up children in the Way, visit the sick in the hospital and the prisoner in the jail cell. I have seen Her move to foreign lands, sacrificing friends, family, careers and possessions to spread the Good News of Her beloved Bridegroom. I have seen Her lay hands on the sick, the broken, the downtrodden, and, by the power of her Father, heal bones, diseases, and broken hearts. I have seen Her give out of the overflow of Her heart rather than the limit of Her change purse. I have seen Her love the “unlovable,” comfort the mourning, and encourage the downtrodden. Being surrounded by the Bride on multiple occasions and seasons throughout my own life, I have seen Her Christ-like love and friendship. She has driven to meet me at three o'clock in the morning, when I was at my lowest. She's brought me meals, hugs, and care packages when I was sick and in need. She has come quickly to my aid to pray over me in important circumstances, in hurting circumstances, and in times of confusion. She has offered Her wisdom and advice and been an encourager when I felt so lost. She has dropped everything that occupies her time on a daily basis, be it work, school, family, chores, obligations, deadlines – anything, to come quickly to my aid and be the friend I needed most. She has given financially when I was in need, sent flowers when I needed cheering up, sent a text, a card, an encouraging Facebook message when the Spirit prompted Her that I needed to hear a scripture, a kind word, or simply to make me feel supported. She has donated her talents to Her Bridegroom’s cause and the purpose He has placed in His follower’s hearts so that their mission might be fulfilled. I have seen Her take the time to teach a child a scripture verse or a song or how to pray when she had a long day and the last thing she felt like doing was pouring into someone else. So, it is for this reason that God gave me the melody and the words to a song on my latest album called, What A Beautiful Bride , a song that takes notice of the beauty that is the Church and celebrates Her instead of condemns Her. When I wrote this song, I pictured some very specific individuals in my church and circle of friends who have been the best example of the Bride of Christ in my life. No matter your views or issues with the Church, it is my hope that when you listen, you begin to see the Church through Christ’s eyes, seeing, not the old wounds from your past, but rather the faces of the people in the body of Christ who have loved you better than anyone before.

Taste & See

Thu, 08 Sep 2016 00:00:00 GMT

Ice cream. I don’t care if you’re lactose intolerant, on a sugar-free diet, or more of a “salty person;” I don’t care who you are; every red-blooded-American loves ice cream. The fact that in 2015, consumer spending on ice cream was an estimated $12.2 billion dollars proves this. [1] One of the best parts about ice cream is going to get ice cream; going to the ice cream shop and seeing all of the flavors under the glass. But more so than looking at the variety of colors on display, there’s that blessed moment when the shop clerk offers you a handful of mini spoons and let’s you taste them. I am in an interesting season of life. On all accounts it is a good season filled with blessings and provision. I’m just over 7 months out of a capital campaign where I was able to raise support to record three new albums, all of which have officially been recorded now, and 2 have already released so far this year. I have been spending the majority of my time lately doing my favorite thing: creating . Last month I recorded the Christmas EP I’ll be releasing later this fall, finished writing for a gospel album for an Arkansas-based singer, and just 2 weeks ago I released my second praise and worship album, More. Additionally, I’ve been given many opportunities to travel and lead worship at various churches and organizations. I also have a thriving business teaching voice lessons and other instruments. Teaching provides me many opportunities to mentor youth and simply encourage others on a daily basis of the gifts God has given them so that they have the confidence to use these gifts to their potential. All of these things bring fulfillment and give me a sense of purpose, knowing that God is using me to leave a mark on this world and point others toward Him. God is really blessing me. What’s fascinating about this season I’m in is, like everyone, I still have daily struggles. I still battle insecurities, temptations, and fears. So I’ve been challenging myself lately with how I can maybe get a little bit more radical in my prayer life and get this point of waking up every morning with a sense of pure, God-given joy. As I reflect on this, what I find the most fascinating is that being in a season of blessings and “mountain top” experiences is… uncomfortable. Over the course of my life I feel as though I have truly walked through more valleys than mountaintops, so the mountaintops frankly freak me out. I don’t know how to camp atop them without the fear that sooner or later something will knock me off my ledge and I’ll roll right down that hill into a valley again. It's like a fear of heights. This attitude is a pretty skewed view of the way our Heavenly Father deals with us. Yes, He does allow valleys and dark seasons to shape us, mold us, build character and perseverance in us, to make us look like Him so that we may be used by Him, but that doesn’t mean He can’t also use our mountains as well. I’ve observed, especially in my own life, that when we don’t trust God on the mountain , we easily become what I like to call anxious “mountain-hoppers,” dissatisfied with the mountain we are on, desperately trying to climb to a higher one, further away from that valley we left in our wake. This leads to discontentment and dissatisfaction with the blessings God is providing. It doesn’t matter what it is, because we don’t trust it and we still want more. But what I keep coming back to in my prayer time and Bible reading is…God wants me to enjoy the mountain I’m on. Heck, He wants me to celebrate it . He wants me to take a look around and gaze at the scenery and breathe it in. He wants me to gaze upon the sunset in all its brilliance at that angle, smell the flowers that only bloom at that altitude, and appreciate it all. Not only does He want me to enjoy these mountaintop gifts He’s given, He wants me to enjoy Him . This past week the Lord brought me back to a verse I’ve read many times in the Psalms which simply states: “Taste and see that the Lord is good.” [2] Taste. Meriam Webster puts it: "to have perception, experience, or enjoyment: partake —often used with of" [3] So often we approach the Throne of Grace with a grocery list of “needs” and requests, like a whiny kid begging for an ice cream cone, that we just skirt over the part of prayer that should simply look like enjoying Him and basking in His goodness. As I read Psalm 34:8 God gave me a visual of an ice cream shop, and God handing out miniature spoons saying, “Taste and see that I AM good!” The way we find contentment and joy, whether in the valley or on the mountain, is keeping our focus on Him . The altitude, scenery, and circumstances will always change, but He never will. His goodness remains. If I can encourage you of anything, I want you to approach your prayer time this week with a thousand little spoons, focusing on every facet of God’s goodness. Taste His kindness . Taste His love . Taste His compassion . Taste His mercy . Go ahead, grab a spoon, and taste and see that the Lord is good.

Nehemiah said, "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." - Nehemiah 8:10

[1] http://www.researchamerica.org/advocacy-action/research/research-takes-cents [2] New International Version. Psalm 34:8 [3] http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/taste

Deep Thoughts on Moving: Part II

Wed, 13 Jul 2016 00:00:00 GMT

Nets

"Go! Get yourself ready..."

- Jeremiah 1:17

K. So what does that mean exactly? I believe when you feel a sense of God calling you to a "new thing" (see Isaiah 43:19) the first step in preparing yourself for that "new thing" is cutting the strings of anything that might still tie you down to the "old thing." In a lot of ways God did some of this for me as He called 4 of my close friends away & my sense of a secure community had a seismic shift. And then, He challenged me to let go of other things that could potentially weigh me down or hold me back, like...

material possessions
independence
stability, security, comfort, familiarity...predictability

Instead, I got a loud & clear "sell all of your possessions & give to the poor" (Matthew 19:21) one Sunday morning, as I had the opportunity to sit and listen to Christine Cain e preach at Willow Creek. And again in reading Matthew 4:18-20, "Come & follow me & I will make you fishers of men. At once they left their nets & followed Him." (Emphasis mine) They didn't even hesitate . Scripture gives no inclination of an internal struggle to obey & let go of the one thing that guaranteed their livelihood. They knew the nets they held were not their security, but nothing more than mere string tied together, string that could, at any moment, unravel. This blows my mind. But God's promptings didn't stop there. The disciples left family (vs. 22), funeral preparations (Matthew 8:22), great jobs & wealth (Matthew 9:9); they literally let go of everything because they knew in losing their lives & letting go of all they had, they'd have so much more to gain in the Kingdom of God (see Mark 8:34-38). So I've been taking these verses at face value & been lightening my load, selling possessions & donating my belongings to local charities, & honestly, as I look around at the handful of boxes that make up my "life," all stacked up in a garage, I don't want any of it.

When you see all your "stuff" packed up in boxes it becomes just that: stuff. Just fillers. Things we fill our lives up with to make us feel more whole, less empty, more secure, more important, & more valuable. Now, don't get me wrong, I know we need things. I'm writing this blog on a MacBook. And much like Jacob, in Genesis 32:22-32, I wrestled with God over the things He asked me to surrender like my plans & expectations, my community, my home, the desire I sometimes have for my life to look more like those around me. And then, while on an evening run in Northwest Arkansas, God spoke to me loud & clear through the lyrics of a Hillsong United Song, & I was finally ready to obey. The lyrics are as follows:

Through waters uncharted my soul will embark
I'll follow Your voice straight into the dark
And if from the course You intend I depart
Speak to the sails of my wandering heart

Like the wind, You'll guide
Clear the skies before me
And I'll glide this open sea

Like the stars, Your Word
Will align my voyage
And remind me where I've been
And where I am going

Lost in the shallows amidst fear and fog
Your truth is the compass that points me back north
Jesus, My Captain, My soul's trusted Lord
All my allegiance is rightfully Yours

Like the wind, You'll guide
Clear the skies before me
And I'll glide this open sea

Like the stars, Your Word
Will align my voyage
And remind me where I've been
And where I am going

Jesus, My Captain, My soul's trusted Lord

All my allegiance is rightfully Yours

- Hillsong United, "Captain"

You see, I don't want my things to own me . I don't ever want to be held back from the call of Christ because I'm too tied down & tangled up in a net to escape.

Because, from where I'm currently sitting, on the shores of Lake Michigan, listening to the waves lap onto the rocks, there's something very appealing about leaving it all behind to follow Jesus, trusting that whatever problems arise & whatever I could possibly need, He will provide. After all, this is the God that makes plants grow for our shelter, then sends insects to destroy them (Jonah 4:6-8). This is the God who makes money appear in fish's mouths and turns water into wine (Matthew 17:27 & John 2:1-11). This is the very same God who, when His people were wandering in the desert with nothing to eat, made food rain down from the sky (Exodus 16:4). You may recall I wrote a song about that too :) So, I'll continue to untie the strings of things that weigh me to the dust of the earth & take more steps of obedience, so that when Jesus approaches on the shore, I'll have no qualms about tossing anything & everything aside for the sake of the Call of Christ, wherever that call may lead. Here I am Lord. Send me.

Deep Thoughts on Moving: Part I

Thu, 07 Jul 2016 00:00:00 GMT

Pottery

Two years ago, God laid it on my heart to move . Not to any specific place, but to leave comfort, security, & familiarity and go where He sends . I've always been a homebody. I joke that my idea of "going out" is driving to the closest Redbox and back. Perhaps I am this way because my family & I moved a total of 10 times since I was born, & 7 of those moves were to different states. Whatever the reason, the idea of traveling a lot & touring as a musician absolutely never appealed to me. But it's a funny thing how God changes our hearts. Not only do we become open to an idea in complete opposition to our previous desires, our hearts suddenly yearn for the very thing He's calling us to do. That's how it's been for me over the past 2 years. I would hear God's voice loud & clear through scripture as I read His commands to Abraham & Sarah, " Leave your country, your family, & your father's house, for the new land that I will show you," (Gen. 12:1) & to Jonah, " Go ...& preach..." (Jonah 1:1-2) & then to Jeremiah, " Go! Get yourself ready! Tell them everything I tell you to say. Do not be afraid..." (Jeremiah 1:17), & yet again in Isaiah saying, "Whom shall I send?...And I said, "Here I am. Send me." (Isaiah 6:8) And I would hear these calls from the Lord & have this sense of urgency stirring in my heart & yet God kept saying, "Not yet." Or, as I like to call it, "Hurry up & wait." The whole experience made me feel like pottery. I had been molded for a specific use, painted, & put through the fire, now ready to be used for a grand purpose, only to be laid on a shelf to collect dust as I waited longer still. Yes, I know I've been used on that shelf in the lives of those encamped around me, but all the while there's been this sense of anticipation, of knowing change is in the air. A change I thought for sure would carry me away before those around me. But then, something interesting happened. Something downright heart-wrenching happened. As I sat on that shelf amidst my little community of friends & church family, waiting to be the first to be carried away into this great purpose, The Potter slowly began to remove these people from my shelf. One by one they were carried off to their new homes, states, vocations, churches, & ministry callings...& I began to feel like the last man standing. Heck, I am currently one of the few "last men standing." But then, out of no where, a phone call, an open door, a change in the winds, in the plan, & circumstances turned this impatient piece of pottery in a new direction. Don't get me wrong, I am still on the shelf, but now I've been repositioned to a place that has prepared me to be ready to leap off the shelf at a moment's notice & jump into the great unknown...

Disclaimer

Thu, 02 Jun 2016 00:00:00 GMT

Person: “You’re releasing a new album?!” Me: “Yeah, it’s my debut pop EP!” Person: “Awesome! Is it Christian?” Me: *Blinks three times* “Well, I’m a Christian and I wrote these songs about love and relationships.” Person: “Oh, so it’s not Christian .” Me: *Blank stares* [Insert frustrated emoji face]
When I first started writing songs 13 years ago (please don’t do the math in your head) I wrote about EVERYTHING. My very first song was a prayer, asking God to lead me to the path He had for me, confessing my willing heart to do His will and asking Him to keep me pliable. After that followed songs about life, relationships with people and the hurts we experience, regrets, uncertainty, and, of course, boys (duh, I had just graduated high school). The songs I wrote continued in that vein through college, with each topic always varying, dependent upon my life circumstances and the lives of those around me. When I signed to a couple different Chicago-based production companies post college, I was asked to write songs for other singers, so I dabbled with other topics, even those I had very little knowledge in….like “clubbin’.” :) When I transitioned into being an Indie artist, my plan was to release a Pop EP of some of my favorite songs about relationships (relationships including both dating relationships as well as my relationship with God). Then, something crazy happened. I wrote my very first praise and worship song. In the past, I had tried many times to write “those ” songs, and it always came out super cheesy and cliché, so I just figured that wasn’t my niche. So when the Lord poured out His specific anointing on me and I began to write in the praise and worship genre, sometimes writing 3-4 songs a week, I couldn’t ignore that anointing and I shelved the Pop EP, making the executive decision that after I saw this new calling through, if I still had a desire to release a Pop EP afterward, I would. Fast forward a couple years and, well, guess what folks? Not only did I still have that desire, I wrote all new material in the months following the release of Prayers & Songs . I also just so happened to write about 20 more praise and worship songs. And even some Christmas songs too. What can I say? I’ve stayed pretty busy. :) So now, I’ve kicked off this next venture: 3 new albums that I hope to release in 2016, the first being the pop album, You Loved . And before I even recorded the first album, I began to sense some slight push back here and there, because on You Loved , I don’t mention the name “Jesus.” So it got me pondering the question I’ve asked myself as an artist many times over, “What makes something Christian ?” I read both Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz and Bob Briner’s Roaring Lambs around the same time when I was in college and, from what I remember, both seemed to pose this same underlying question. The sentiments expressed by both authors are, essentially, somewhere along the lines Christian culture started to deem inanimate objects as, “Christian” when the term “Christian” can only be assigned to an individual a, Christ follower . This idea is one I’d wrestled with my whole life as an artist, but had never seen it put into such poignant words. They even challenge their readers that if something is in fact deemed “Christian,” shouldn’t it be the best there is? Like if we’re going to call a movie a “Christian movie,” the movie should have the most beautiful cinematography & cinematic scoring, an exceptionally well-written plot, extraordinary acting, the hair, makeup, and costume design should be exceptional, and everything else, down to the last button and thread. If we’re going to call it a “Christian film” it should be the best film ever, after all…we’re doing it for The Almighty God. Now let me ask you a sobering question: are those the kind of standards we see in most “Christian films?” In “Christian music?” In “Christian literature?” In anything else we deem “Christian?” It kind of makes you angry doesn’t it? It makes me angry as an artist, because no matter the content or topic, I want to create incredible art that is a direct reflection of The Creator I have a personal relationship with. It makes me angry for my Christian friends who are artists. Some of them sing country music, others do pop or folk. Some of them write jingles for commercials or do film scoring. So, I ask you… If a Christian paints a picture of a cross, does that make the painting a “Christian painting?” What if she paints a flower? Does that now mean it is NOT a Christian painting? These are questions more Believers need to ask themselves because, unfortunately, we as a society have accepted the notion that something can only be deemed “Christian” if Jesus is mentioned in the art. There’s actually a legitimate term for it in “Christian music” genre called JPM’s, which literally means, “Jesus’s Per Minute.” …yeah. Now, this is where I feel it necessary to state for the record, that I believe my “calling” as an artist is within the realm of praise and worship music and I don’t plan to leave that realm any time soon. There is nothing more powerful, and nothing brings me greater joy and fulfillment than writing and singing songs to The Creator of the Universe. However, I have full confidence that God gave me the words and the melodies to these pop songs just as much as He did the praise songs, and He will use them to encourage people in a different way than a song about the garden of Gethsemane or trusting God in the wilderness; encouragement will come from You Loved just the same. After all, if we are honest with ourselves, all different kinds of music move us. It may be the Swift song you listen to when you’re getting ready to hang out with your friends, the Coldplay song you run to, or the soft, instrumental music you play in the background when you’re reading in bed at night; music has power. So with that, I’m pleased to announce that as of today, You Loved , my debut pop EP is available for preorder on iTunes! Here’s to hoping it encourages, challenges, and inspires YOU to be brave and LOVE .

Overflow

Thu, 26 May 2016 00:00:00 GMT

Last night I set out to bless others. I put together a VIP listening party for a few select people to have the opportunity to listen to my debut pop EP, You Loved before it releases to the public (June 10th), as well as play a few new songs from my upcoming praise and worship album. I wanted to create an intimate environment to catch up with these individuals, hear how they are doing, share with them some personal stories about the recording process, feed them some yummy food, and share a few live songs. My aim was to bless them . After all, these people have done so much to help make my dreams come true. However, the result of the evening ended up being so much more than I could have asked for. In an attempt to bless others, I was blessed in return. Throughout the process of writing and recording an album (or in my case, three ) you’re so aware of the pressure. Pressure to please, wanting to make everyone happy. Whether that’s your friends and family, your church family, fans, financial supporters, people you’ve never even met before, or people who might potentially use your songs for other creative projects (like cinematographers)…the pressure is there. Last night, I was reassured that I’ve already accomplished what I set out to do. No matter what happens with these albums, these people are already proud. They may not love every single song, but they love and support me and are behind me in this no matter what. I was reminded of this when I concluded the evening wanting to pray a blessing over everyone in attendance, and they turned right around and prayed a blessing over me . I was reminded of this when I was unsure how one of my songs would be received and the manager of the venue told me through tears that she had been searching for the perfect wedding song…and just found it. I think that’s how God’s blessings work. He blesses us so that we might also be a blessing. And in blessing others, we are also blessed. It’s a continual cycle. It overflows like water being poured into a single cup stacked on top of 2 more cups...and 3 more under that…and so on. What’s so cool about these blessings is, not only will I be able to overflow through songs and bless people through music, but because others’ have blessed me financially, I’ve been able to turn right around and support other friends in ministry. Like my friends Tori & Jordan Vittum, who just embarked on a new journey through the High Point Leadership Institute in Memphis, TN. For those of you who saw my Kickstarter video, Tori Vittum was the brains behind that beautiful piece of cinematography, and her husband Jordan is an incredible musician who has played in my band over the past year. You can check out their story here

The point of blessing others isn’t so you get blessed in return, but that does usually end up happening. Of course, the blessings will always look different. Sometimes it’s the blessing of a new friend, sometimes it’s financial, sometimes it’s a career opportunity, sometimes it’s a support group; it takes shape in all different forms. And sometimes someone who is a friend, of a friend, of a friend, of a friend of the person you blessed comes to know Christ…and you were a part of that. You simply cannot put a price tag on that. My friend Amy reminded me that grace works that way too. When we extend grace to others in any situation, it is almost always followed by an opportunity where we are in need of that same amount of grace to be extended to us…if not more. Paul reminds us of this in Romans 5:20, where it states, “God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant.” God’s grace…God’s blessings…they overflow. He never runs out of either and always looks for the opportunity to extend it and share it. Now it is our responsibility to take the blessings and the grace and pour it out all over everyone we encounter. And the cycle continues… “May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you His favor and give you His peace” -Numbers 6:24-

His Name

Thu, 19 May 2016 00:00:00 GMT

The writing process is an interesting one. Every writer has their preferred method and yet, as much as you may try to plan and schedule, you never know when inspiration will strike and your best work will come to life. When writing for myself, I typically stick to my tried and true method. It looks something like this: 1. An idea pops into my brain. 2. I begin to think about that idea and maybe even write down some thoughts about that idea. 3. A melody accompanies that thought shortly after (or simultaneously) and I begin to hum that melody and expand upon it, usually making a quick voice memo on my phone so that I don’t forget it. 4. Then I let the idea marinate…and marinate…and marinate until the perfect moment. The moment when the emotions that accompany the theme of the song rise to the surface and are about to explode. 5. And then…I write. And most songs are usually complete within 20 minutes. 6. An exception to this rule is, sometimes steps 1-5 happen simultaneously as an emotion had already been brewing for quite some time and it all rises to the surface at once – lyric, melody, thought, and message. This is my preferred method as it helps me be authentic and raw. I’ve never liked the idea of forced creativity, as, in my opinion, my work isn’t as genuine that way. The majority of the songs on my albums have been written in this fashion. They were expressions of the condition of my heart at the moment I penned them. But sometimes, certain songs break tradition and come to be in a more manufactured way and, though it might seem forced at the time, those have the potential to become your favorites. On my upcoming, sophomore, praise and worship album, More, there are two songs that were written this way. The first is called, “22” taken from Psalm 22 and other Psalms and passages of scripture that just so happened to either be taken from a verse 22 or a chapter 22 that, well, calling it “22” just made sense. At the time, writing it was like building a puzzle. I wasn’t in a dark place, I simply took scriptures that mean a lot to me and put them together into one song. Since writing that song in 2012, that song has become and continues to be a comfort for myself, and others, so I felt it appropriate to feature it on this album. The other song written in this fashion is titled, “His Name.” It was actually a song my Dad asked me to write. I believe the conversation consisted mainly of him bemoaning the feminine overtones of most CCM music, making Jesus out to be some kind of “sissy,” when scripture not only talks about His tender love and compassion, but how He is our protector , a fierce warrior who fights our battles for us; strong enough to handle anything . So, he requested I write a song with lyrics taken from Revelation 19 (verses 11-16), which paint this picture of our warrior Jesus so masterfully. Truth be told, I cannot read this passage of scripture with out weeping like a little girl . There is a power in this portion of the Bible that is other-worldly and so above comprehension that the only proper response in reading it is taking on a posture of humility, without words to utter or the strength to stand up straight in their hearing. So, I wrote my dad his requested Revelation 19 song. And though the lyrics were brilliant (taken verbatim from scripture so I can’t take any credit for them) there was something about the song that didn’t impress me as a writer. Maybe it was the way in which it was written, or what I felt was a predictable melody or chord progression, but it just felt like another cookie-cutter worship song to me. So, I wrote it and left it alone for a couple years, only revisiting it from time to time to see if I could tweak it here and there or slightly altar the vocal melody to make it…I don’t know…different I guess. Fast forward to the beginning of this April when I sat down for breakfast with my producer Neil and made an outline of which songs I planned to put on the album and which ones I assumed would be bonus tracks or not make the cut at all. Now, let me just tell you, the process of eliminating songs is akin to the plot of the 1982 film, Sophie’s Choice . I obviously say that in a bit of twisted humor, but the sentiment is similar. It’s hard eliminating songs. They become a part of you as a songwriter so choosing which proverbial appendage to sever isn’t always the easiest task. Nevertheless, I made my list and had it in my mind which songs would be cut. I began the preproduction process, recording scratch tracks of vocals, keys, and other instruments for the songs I knew would make the cut. During this process I thought it wise to at least run through some of the songs I already had in my mind would be cut, just to make sure I wasn’t missing something because, truth be told, when you write a lot of songs, over time your library becomes so big you can actually forget about certain songs. So I got out my guitar, opened up my notebook and played through “His Name.” And the tears came. Suddenly I didn’t see this song through the critical lens that a songwriter seldom escapes, questioning every melodic shift and chord choice, I heard only the Words that God Himself breathed into the Apostle John as he wrote what we now call the book of Revelation. And in that moment I knew this song had to go on the album. Of course that meant another had to be cut, and that’s a story in and of itself, but what’s cool about this moment is it proves a point that is synonymous with the way our walk with God can sometimes be. We can plan and try to predict. We can think something is the best option and question the importance of something else, but in the end His plan and His Word prevails (see Proverbs 19:21). His Name prevails. Even in picking songs, there’s always a lesson to be learned through the reading of God’s Word. It’s always an act of surrender. But more so than the act of surrender (like I experienced in recording Gethsemane on Prayers & Songs ) what I learned the most this time was the weight of His Name and why I believe this song is so important. Every time I uttered the words, “Holy is His Name,” I couldn’t contain my emotions. I just wanted to kneel, right there in the vocal booth and lay prostrate before Him. I felt weak…like I didn’t have the strength to even utter those words. Like my lips weren’t worthy enough to let the words escape them. It is true, there is power in the Name of Jesus.
The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. [i] God has given no other Name under heaven by which we must be saved. [ii] I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty. [iii] On His robe and on His thigh He has this Name written: King of kings and Lord of lords. [iv] Therefore, God elevated Him to the place of highest honor and gave Him the Name above all other names, that at the Name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord. [v]
[i] Prov. 18:10 NIV [ii] Acts 4:12 NLT [iii] Rev. 1:8 ESV [iv] Rev. 19:16 NIV [v] Phil. 2:9-12 NLT

I Am Rich

Thu, 03 Mar 2016 00:00:00 GMT

I am the richest person in the world. Pretty bold statement, I know. Oh, I’m not talking about money. From a monetary standpoint (in the U.S.) I live fairly humbly. After all, I’m a singer/songwriter and a private music instructor. One might even call me a, “starving artist,” but I assure you…I am very rich. Our society categorizes wealth by net worth, accumulation of assets, home equity, and investments. Though I was raised to understand, respect, and be a good steward of the dollar, more so than that I was taught the value of time, of making memories, and of investing in others . I am so thankful for these lessons, because I can now say that I am wealthier than I’ve ever been. If you are reading this and follow me on any other social media platform, then you know that I am in the last week of a Kickstarter campaign to raise money for my next 3 albums. Anyone who has been involved in any sort of capital campaign can attest that during this process, you pretty much have money on the brain 24/7. It’s just the nature of the beast. For me and others I know who have taken on this type of venture, it is a time of testing your faith in God and others, a time of humbling yourself, as you are put in the vulnerable position to ask others for… don don don …money, and it is also a time where you get to see, in a very tangible way, the sum total of people in your circle that make you wealthy. Having a melancholy temperament since birth it’s a natural inclination of mine to see the negative before I see the positive, to focus on the rejection before the support. So this is me, (or rather God working in me) choosing to completely ignore any of the negative outcomes that have come out of this process, and simply open up my wallet and count each blessing God has placed there. A little over week ago I was feeling discouraged and doubtful about the outcome of the Kickstarter campaign. And then something crazy happened. A dear friend of mine that I’ve known since college and her husband pledged a lot of money. They were supporters of my last Kickstarter campaign and had pledged a lot then , so I didn’t expect them to pledge at all this time around since they had already done so much for me then. And yet…they doubled their giving. I immediately called her and began crying over the phone. The thing that stuck out to me the most were the words she softly said, “Kayla, we believe in you .” Those words are the most powerful words someone can ever speak into your life. It’s no wonder those are the very words God wants us to speak to Him . So it got me thinking about how blessed I am to have both she and her husband in my life. Not because of the amount they pledged, but rather because their belief in me, and the impact I’m trying to make on the world is so strong they were and are so willing to invest in me as a friend, a singer, a writer, a speaker…and a human . Which led me to count ALL of my blessings, the sum of the things that make me rich. I am rich because I was born into an incredible family. Not only is my immediate family one that most would covet, with loving, supportive, godly parents, a wonderful older brother, awesome sister-in-law, and the cutest niece and nephew that are an absolute blast to be around, my extended family fatten my wallet of blessings quite a bit as well. I have cousins who are more like siblings, Aunts and Uncles who have become dear friends, and grand parents who are the glue that hold us all together and continue to amaze me with their love, support, and example of Christ in all of our lives.

I am rich in friendships. As someone who has moved around a lot over the course of their life, I’ve learned the value in working hard to maintain quality friendships, but I can’t take credit for the ones I have, because God just simply poured out abundance there. When I moved back to Chicago from Nashville I made friendships a matter of prayer. I prayed and fasted for the right friends, and now I have so many incredible people in my life that I’m privileged to call best friends. They are the kind of people to drop everything to help when I’m in need, to pray at any hour of the day, and even to bring over Starbucks and just sit with me and cry when I’m upset. You can’t buy friendships like this, but my loving Father has freely given me these people and words cannot describe my gratitude

I am rich because of my community. This includes the Church community, Chicago area community, the music community, and even my online community. At all times I am surrounded by this massive group of individuals who support me, challenge me, inspire me, and at the end of the day, also believe in me. I am rich because of where God has allowed me to live. No, not the Chicago area; America, a place where I’m free to worship THE God of Abraham, a place where I can work hard and own my own business, be an entrepreneur, create, make mistakes, and try new things. A place where I, a woman, can have an opinion, speak my mind, and have a voice. God left this inheritance for me before I was even born, and I’m afraid to say I often take this free gift for granted. Most of all I am rich because I know Christ. I have a close, personal relationship with the best friend I’ll ever know; a friend “who sticks closer than a brother. [i] ” I can’t count the ways that knowing God has blessed me. For starters, I give Him total credit for all of the blessings I’ve already listed. But when I have been lacking, whether in community, financially, or friendships, He’s been there and He’s been enough. I’ll never comprehend why He loves me enough to bless me the way He has, but I do know I want to be better at recognizing those blessings, however great or small, and thanking Him for them more than I do. This process has made me see that, yes, the financial giving is an incredible gift and it's been so amazing to see how God has worked and is continuing to work in the hearts of everyone who has given financially, but, more than anything, the love and support of every individual person God has intentionally placed in my life is the greatest blessing of all, and I am truly grateful.
[i] Proverbs 18:24, New International Version. Bible Hub. Web. 25 Feb. 2016.

Why I Sing

Thu, 18 Feb 2016 00:00:00 GMT

I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately.

Those who know me, know that I am both a dreamer and a doer. I’m a take-charge kind of girl. I see something that needs to be done and I do it. This has helped me accomplish a lot of my dreams. This has also been an Achilles heel in my walk with God at times. You see, sometimes we get so caught up in the “doing” that we forget what birthed the dream in the first place.

Tragic events will force you to reflect on the “why.”

In the midst of promoting The Love Project and the excitement and fears that whirl around that, a dear friend and co-writer of mine lost 3 family members this past week. The Chicago-land community came around their family, raising $53,000 in support to help aid the financial burden of this tragedy [i] . So when you see something like that, it makes you question if the things you are working toward are of any importance at all. Because when you see that kind of love and support from human beings, from a community, from The Church, you see quickly that that is the perfect picture of us reaching our potential for what we were all meant to do; love.

The act of a community and the Church rallying around a family in the midst of such devastation is of such great importance that it makes one question if the impact on the world they are trying to make is significant. For me, I question if the impact I’m trying to make through music is.

It only took a couple of days and the honor of singing at the funeral service to be reminded again that, indeed, it is meaningful.

You see, we all play a part in this world. We were all put here for a purpose. And when we work together and each share our gifts and talents, we make up a beautiful mosaic, fulfilling our collective purpose for existence.

A couple weekends ago I had the privilege of leading worship and speaking at a Women’s Retreat. The main speaker for the event, Jackie Roese , taught from Matthew 25:14-30 on the Parable of the Talents. In her message she outlined everything we have been given from birth that could be considered a talent. Then she illustrated how each of these talents are like body parts, and if one body part is not fulfilling its purpose, not using its talent, the body can’t function properly.

Another couple of illustrations she gave were, if you are not the eye, people will never see Jesus’ tears, and if you are not the mouth, people will never hear His voice. I especially appreciated the former as my parents have affectingly called me “Jeremiah The Weeping Prophet” for years. Though I kid about my talent for crying being one of my spiritual gifts, I know it is through this gift, this talent that I have the ability to not only mourn with people who are hurting and broken, but also show people my hurts, and expose the reality of my struggles, like depression.

But I also appreciated the reminder that if you were placed here to be Jesus’ mouth and you refuse to speak…or sing, people will not hear of His love. When reflecting on why God has given us each different talents in the first place, Tim Keller says it best in his sermon, “The Cost of Mission:”

God will never bless you except to make you to be a blessing for somebody else. That’s how you know you’re dealing with the real God and not a figment of your imagination. You become a man or a woman in mission .

So, you see, every body part is crucial. We are all needed to function properly.

And I get it, sometimes it’s scary to step out and claim, “Yes, I am Jesus’ hand, I am Jesus’ feet, I am Jesus’ mouth.” Putting yourself out there is risky. Being transparent is scary. Sharing your heart is downright terrifying. But that is what we are called to do.

When you are working hard to do something great, to break away from the mold and change the world, when you put yourself out there and say, “This is me, take it or leave it,” you will face resistance. There will be people that won’t like you or what you have to say, or find something about you to find fault it. There will be people that will doubt you and let you know they do. So when this moment comes, you will have to stand and say, “The cause is greater than the resistance.” You will have to stand firm in your purpose, stand firm in the hope and promise of the reward God has for those who diligently work to further His Kingdom, and stand firm in the knowledge that you are making a difference .

2 Corinthians 6:8 “magically” showed up in my inbox last night, and it speaks truer to the cause of the Christian life than I ever could:

We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors. [ii]

God didn’t make us who we are to hoard it or hide it, or to live in fear of the rejection or the name-calling that could ensue if we show the world our light. No, we were created to be lamps, cities on hills that shine bright for the world to see. [iii]

I sing because this is so much bigger than me.

I sing because it’s so much more than music.

I sing to make the name of Jesus famous and to help those who are lost, find Him.

That is why I sing.

[i] To read more and find out how you can be the hands and feet of Jesus to the Joost family, visit: https://www.gofundme.com/support-katie

[ii] New Living Translation. Bible Gateway. Web. 18 Feb. 2016.

[iii] Matthew 5:14-16, New International Version. Bible Gateway. Web. 18 Feb. 2016.

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Tue, 15 Dec 2015 00:00:00 GMT

I feel like I write this every year.

Thanksgiving wraps, I emerge from the Turkey-induced coma, do a strict, clean-eating, cleanse (for like a week), then I begin to prepare for Christmas.

I get out the plastic garland, change out the pumpkin candle for a pine scented one, and slowly let Christmas tunes permeate the space in my life (well, a few songs, here and there, in moderation).

I do all this because it’s what I’ve been taught, I suppose by society, that this is how you prepare for the coming King. ‘Cause, you know, Jesus would be disappointed if my house didn’t look “Christmasy” by the time His birthday rolled around.

So I do all these things and find myself in search of “the wonder.” I drive home from a Christmas concert, have “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year [i] ,” stuck in my head and I think to myself, “Is it? It doesn’t feel like it…”

And I find myself in want.

You see, the truth is, I honestly don’t know what my problem is. Like…why am I not in the Christmas spirit? Is this an issue for anyone else? What about those neighbors with Christmas lights covering every inch of their yard? Are they feeling the magic more? Maybe I should actually put up a tree…

Then it hit me as I crawled into bed and opened up to the book of Luke.

I only got a few lines in before it dawned on me that the magic I was looking for was right next to me, on my nightstand.

You see, we do this every year. We get so wrapped up with all the impossible tasks we are “supposed” to accomplish during a mere 28-day period that we don’t make time for God. It’s like throwing a birthday party for someone and never even saying hi to them or acknowledging their existence at their own party. But that’s what we do. We’re like, “Okay everyone, Jesus’ birthday is only 28 days away, so we have to buy all the presents, bake all the cookies, hang up all the decorations, send out the cards, get the proper “mood-lighting,” and throw all the pre-party parties before the 25th”. Then when Jesus arrives we’re like, “Oh, hi Jesus. Oh, I think I just heard my oven timer, hang on a sec. Hey, can someone get the door? Jesus, can you run to the store? I forgot to get eggnog.” And it’s as if Jesus is standing there like, “Is this party for me or for you ?”

So, all of this has got me thinking…

Maybe we should change up our traditions. Instead of waiting to read the account of Jesus’ birth until Christmas Eve, instead of running a million errands, decorating the house from top to bottom, and getting all caught up planning a party for, well…GOD, we should ask Him how He’d like us to celebrate His birthday instead.

“My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,…for the Mighty One has done great things for me – holy is His Name.”

Luke 1:46-47 & 49

[i] Williams, Andy. “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.” By Edward Pola and George Wyle. The Andy Williams Christmas Album . 1963. LP.

All The Single Ladies (All The Single Ladies)

Fri, 03 Apr 2015 00:00:00 GMT

“I don’t wanna waste my singleness,” a dear friend of mine shared, as we poured over bowls of chipotle and bared our souls to one another, catching up on the previous few months apart. In that moment, her declaration really resonated with me, probably because, throughout my life, I’ve continuously shared that same philosophy. Sure, I’ve always been more of an independent, focusing more on my dreams and aspirations than boys, even in grade school, but this became more of lifestyle choice a few years back. I remember it like it was yesterday – a crisp, fall, Sunday evening. My home had just been filled with the smells of fresh baked brownies and candles, and the sounds of good friends gathered around the television, as we prayed together and encouraging one another. A few moments later, after I had seen each guest to the door and began to clean up from the evening’s festivities, I found myself alone in my room. The keyword being “alone.” Loneliness has never really been a struggle for me. Being the INFJ , introvert that I am, I relish the time I get to spend alone. Time spent reading, writing songs, cooking; listening to music, even doing household chores set to the soundtrack of my favorite movie or Pandora station has always been my sanctuary. But suddenly, in this moment, after having just spent the evening with my friends, I felt overwhelmed with loneliness. I immediately picked up my phone to call my good friend to pray together. I’m so thankful for these sisters in Christ that God has so generously placed in my life, women that stand on the front lines with me and intercede with me and on my behalf. Our conversation and prayer time led me to a few verses from Paul’s letter to the people of the church in Corinth:

An unmarried woman or a virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, to be holy both in body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the things of the world, how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place a limitation on you, but so that without distraction you may give notable and constant service to the Lord. [1]

Upon reading this scripture at that moment, God gave me a new affirmed sense of purpose in singleness, and to this day, I firmly believe this:

God’s purpose for your life is not found within your marital status. Marriage might be one of His many plans for you, but the imprint you leave on this world will not be defined by whether or not you are married.

Now before you freak out on me, I am a HUGE proponent of marriage and believe it is one of the most beautiful gifts God gave humanity. I am hopeful that the Lord will bless me with the gift of marriage someday, but just because I am single right now does NOT mean I have been forgotten. I believe I am single because that is God’s purpose for me during this season in my life. And someday, when I am married, God will have other purposes that can only be accomplished within the covenant of marriage. I was blessed with some great friends in college – particularly some awesome, godly guy friends. When you are feeling down on yourself you can get frustrated by the sheer amount of people of the opposite sex in your life who are “just friends,” but I have chosen to view each of these guys and their friendship as another blessing from the Lord. Not only are they incredible brothers in Christ who are fun to be around, their extraordinary example has helped shape the image of the kind of man I’m waiting for. One of these friends spoke a profound truth into my life during our senior year of college. Now, here’s a little back story: my first Alma mater was a university whose unspoken requirement was obtaining an MRS. Degree within the first two years. (Trust me, I understand the pressure). So with that in mind, he looked me square in the face and said, “Kayla, you have a purpose in Christ. We all do. If you meet someone who helps you better fulfill that purpose, and vise versa, then I would say that’s God’s plan for your life. If they are not helping, that means they are hindering, and you’d be better off single.” I’ll never forget that and I hope you never will either. You see, MY Bible tells me that Jesus came that we might “have life, and have it to the full,” [2] and that the Lord has “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” [3] It does not say that His plans for you involve sitting at home pinning wedding dresses and watching the Notebook for the 23rd time while Sam Smith whines in the background. It also does not mean hitting up the local bar every night looking for Mrs. “okay for right now.” I firmly, FIRMLY believe that singleness is a gift . But like any gift, it’s up to us how we use it. We can waste it, dwelling on past hurts and daydreaming about the future. Or we can get really serious about using the gift of time that God has given us and make the conscious decision to use it wisely. So, now it’s your turn to ask yourself, “What is it that I believe God is calling me to do?” Your single years are the best time to do that thing you’ve felt the Spirit nudging you to do your whole life. Why? Because your heart is not divided, and your time is your own. So join that cause. Start that company. Go on that mission trip. Mentor that struggling kid. Get that masters degree. Whatever it is you’ve been telling yourself you’ll do “someday”…do that today. And while you’re doing that thing , devote as much time as possible to growing closer to your Savior. One of the things the Lord is revealing to me during this season in my single life is how much work He still has to do in me before I can come anywhere close to being “carried onto completion.” [4] The older I get, the more the words of the old hymn “wretch like me” [5] ring true. I’ve got some (okay, a lot ) of ugly in me that the Lord really needs to chisel and refine before I can be anybody’s better half partner in crime. So I am thankful that He is taking as much time as He needs to help make me more and more like Him. ‘Cause, ultimately, more than the kind of woman he molds me into so that I can have a lasting marriage, the most important thing in this life is my relationship with Him . At the end of my life, no matter the final outcome of my “status,” I want to be remembered by one thing and one thing alone: Did I resemble Jesus? So this Easter, when you are gathered together with your immediate and extended family, go ahead and congratulate your cousin on his new engagement, or your sister-in-law who is now an expecting mother. And when someone asks the dreaded, “So, are you dating anyone?” simply smile and say, “No.” :) If they try to offer you advice or tell you about a new dating site, humor them. They think they’re helping. People never know what to talk about, so it’s either that or the weather. [1] 1 Cor. 7:34-35, New English Translation [2] John 10:10, New International Version [3] Jeremiah 29:11 [4] Philippians 1:6 [5] “Amazing Grace,” by John Newton, 1779 *** For other resources/encouragement on singleness, check out these sermons from Kairos . I attended this Bible study in college and still love to listen to the podcasts when I can as I get so much from Pastor Mike’s teachings and thoroughly enjoyed the influence Amy-Jo had on my life during my time serving alongside her in the youth department. https://vimeo.com/74873277 https://vimeo.com/74395319

Solid Ground

Sat, 04 Oct 2014 00:00:00 GMT

It’s amazing how standing in the same spot at a different place in time provides a completely different vantage point. Standing in front of the congregation of Prairie Oak Community Church in Andover, MN on Sunday morning a few weeks ago, standing on that very ground brought that perspective for me.

It was worlds away when I stood on that ground under a red and white striped tent and made the decision that would forever change the course of my life. Walking forward to the altar as a child symbolized the first step I took in my faith journey, and I couldn’t help but reflect on each step I’ve taken since as I took the steps up to the stage that morning to lead worship with their team and share my story.

Pastor Steve Gahagen, his wife Jane, and their family were essential people in my early years of my walk with Christ, creating an environment that was a safe place to dream, trust God, and grow in my faith. So I couldn’t help but be moved to tears as he spoke of the dreams God gives us all, and shared his continued vision to maintain that very place as a church where dreams can be birthed and blossom. For it was during that point in my life where God gave me the dream to sing and I was able to begin to hone that craft as Jane, my mother and I would lead the congregation in song each Sunday morning. It’s quite surreal to return at the invitation from Pastor Gahagen to share my testimony and songs and see God move in that place and amongst the hearts of the body of Christ. Hearts that are broken, hurting, and desperate for God to move…hearts just like mine. I was truly humbled to be a part of the service. Humbled mostly because I still think, “Who am I? I have in no way ‘arrived.’ But I’m willing. I’m surrendered (on my good days). I know my life is not my own and I want God to use it however He sees fit…”

But that’s the beauty of the Christian life. That’s the beauty of a dream. God calls us to take up our cross and follow Him [i] . He calls us to lose our life so that we might gain it. [ii] We must decrease so that He can increase [iii] . And it is the same with the dream He gives us. He plants a dream in all of us and then asks us to entrust that dream into His care, to surrender it to Him, to…give it up. It took me many years to come to that place of surrender. But what a beautiful thing it is when we give our hopes and dreams and desires to the Lord and, in return, He gives us something better. He does a new thing [iv] . I’m still trying to figure out what this new thing is. As I’ve begun this thing that is music ministry I feel like such a rookie. There’s so much I have to learn. So much refining that has to be done – most of which I wasn’t prepared for as the chiseling and refiners fire has felt too hot and too painful to bear lately. But God is faithful. I know that after I have been tried for a time I will come forth as gold [v] , and what a humbling privilege to know that I have the body of Christ standing beside me, holding my hand, and spurring me on in this dream. Steve and Jane are such vital people in that process and words cannot describe my gratitude for them and my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who have been and continue to be like-minded in their support of me and my dream and the vision God has given me for this ministry. So far it hasn’t proven to be easy in the least bit. The old, cliché adage of “anything that’s worth doing won’t be easy” comes to mind as I’ve faced so many trials and uncertainties so far. Lately, it’s been enough to, at times, rock my faith, and others, make me feel like I’m just plain off my rocker. But one thing is certain: The steps that I take from this point on can only be that which involve a steady and certain march forward toward the goal. Because the goal is clear: God has given me a sense of urgency, a heart for the broken, and eyes to see the need. It has not nor will ever be about me, but instead, about His children. So although the world and the evil forces of this world may try to shake us and knock us off course, I will continue to stand firm on His promise that He who began this work in me will carry it onto completion [vi] . So I write these words, not so much as a sermon for all of you, but as a proclamation and affirmation of my own commitment that I will continue to stand firm on this solid ground.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand All other ground is sinking sand All other ground is sinking sand [vii]

[i] “Then he said to the crowd, ‘If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.’” Luke 9:23 (NLT) [ii] “If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.” Matthew 10:39 (NLT) [iii] “He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30 (ESV) [iv] “Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19 (NASB) [v] “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” Job 23:10 (NIV) [vi] “I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6 (HCSB) [vii] Edward Mote, “My Hope Is Built On Nothing Less” (No. 370) in The Lutheran Hymnal (1834, cento)

Morning Song

Sat, 14 Jun 2014 00:00:00 GMT

It was Friday, May 25th. I had arrived at my family’s cabin around 11pm the night before, after a day of work and a 5 hour drive. By the time I unloaded my car, settled in to bed, and read my last devotional for the night until my eyes couldn’t stay open any longer, it was 12:30am–time for bed! Normally with a day like that under my belt I’d sleep a full 8 hours, but I believe God had something different in mind. I arose before the sun at 4:45am, but not out of a groggy slumber. Rather I awoke with anticipation, excitement for the day - what did God want to say to me? Gee God, what’s so important that calls for 4:45am? I quickly gathered my Bible and a blanket and proceeded straight to the front porch that overlooks Lake Michigan. Stepping out into the chill of the morning air I was immediately met with a loud choir of morning song birds perched high above the pines. My ears tried desperately to track the 6 or 7 different voices all weaving in and out from one another. The dynamic level continued to grow as the sun crept up along the horizon. The choir became, well, pretty overpowering, as if some of the song birds had a little “diva” in them, trying to out-sing each other. Gazing out over the crystal lake, now becoming a watercolor meld of pinks, purples, greens, greys and blues, I asked God what He wanted to say to me; what poignant message was to be gleaned that required such an early morning wake up call. You see, I went away that weekend to escape from the fray, just get quiet with God, and pray. Pray for direction and discernment and God’s leading with this upcoming album; pray for the people it will impact and that God’s Word held within those 41:59 minutes of sound would go out into the world and not return void. [1] Now I definitely didn’t expect to receive any type of burning bush experience that weekend, but I was hoping the Lord would provide some clarity as I prayed for direction. But instead of direction, what I got was a really good reminder in the character of God. I came with an agenda. I came to Him for answers. And what was God’s response? …He sang to me. Zephaniah 3:17 states,

“The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty One who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.” [2]

The New Living Translation says, “He will take delight in you with gladness.” God delights in us. He doesn’t come to us with ulterior motives, He simply wants to enjoy us. I don’t know about you, but how often can I honestly say that I come to my Heavenly Father with the soul purpose of simply enjoying Him? No grocery list prayers, no “Please God, fix this,” but just, “Hey God…You’re amazing and I love You and that’s all.” Now, don’t get me wrong, God wants us to come to Him in every and all circumstances. But I’m reminded of yet another verse that touches on the topic of “delight”

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires. Psalm 37:4 NLT

I’m gonna go ahead and repeat that…

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires.

So what was my huge take away from my weekend away with Jesus? As I sat there wrapped up in a blanket, staring out over this serene scene the Lord painted with His own hand, I felt the quiet Voice in my soul say, “Today I don’t have a deep, ground breaking message for you; I simply wanted to sing to you.”

[1] Isaiah 55:11 [2] English Standard Version

A Love Song of Praise

Sat, 12 Apr 2014 00:00:00 GMT

It’s a Sunday morning. This is usually your only day of the week to get a little extra sleep, do some chores around the house, maybe even watch the game on TV. But on this particular Sunday, you wake up before your alarm and see the sun streaming through your bedroom window. As you begin to regain consciousness, you become aware of the gentle coo of birds singing their morning song. And on this Sunday, you decide to do something different. You get up, get dressed, and head to that church your friends have been nagging you about visiting for weeks on end. At least if you show up once, maybe they’ll leave you alone, right? After you’ve fought the traffic, found a parking spot, walked in, and shaken hands with a bunch of strangers, you begin to follow the sound that, in your memory bank of noises brings you back to the last rock concert you attended. With your interests further piqued by this music that is nothing like the liturgy & hymns of old you remember from Sunday mornings as a small child, you make your way to where the masses have assembled in a large, dark room. After you find your seat, you stand there (because everyone else is standing) and take in the musicians performance from the stage. They all look happy and keep clapping and smiling and encouraging you to do the same but…you’ve never even heard these songs before. Everyone around you seems to be getting into it, so, whatever, you stand and listen until you’re told to sit and the pastor comes up and gives his lecture…err speech…sermon. That’s right sermon. And afterward you’re feeling pretty inspired. You can really relate to what he was saying and it’s pretty sweet how he tied in some old Bible verses to modern day application; you’ve never heard it paralleled that way before. So you walk away feeling pretty motivated to apply what you learned into the rest of your day and, heck, you might even carry it over into work on Monday…maybe. Still, you think back to the beginning of the service with all the music and the people raising their hands and closing their eyes and singing and think, “Alright, the sermon part I get, that helped me want to be a better person and it feels pretty great to hear that I’m loved, but what’s the point of all that music? What’s the point of worship ?” As someone who has been singing on church worship teams and leading in that capacity since I could phonate, and someone who now teaches voice lessons and worship leading at the Parkview Worship Academy , these are questions I’ve posed to my students as well. Questions like, “Why do we worship?” “What’s the point?” and “What exactly does it mean to worship God?” Simply put, the reason that I sing and choose to worship God in that way is this: I believe that worship is the pure, selfless act of singing a love song to your Beloved. If you will be so kind to indulge me further, I’d like to paint yet another picture for you as this best portrays what worship means to me.

It’s a warm fall evening. There is a cool, crisp breeze, but the sun is still hot on your skin as it begins it’s descent. You’re walking hand in hand with the one you love toward a secret spot they have picked out. As you look ahead into the distance, the sun almost blinds your ability to see the destination, but the ripple of the river lapping onto the wet rocks is a dead giveaway. You perch up on a sandy, old tree limb nested alongside the shore. The one you love with every fiber of your being sits across from you, takes out their guitar and says, “I want to share something with you.” Then, their fingers begin to pluck note after note, perfectly woven together like a carefully crafted string of pearls. The lovely tune is soon married with a beautiful melody of“hums” and “ooh’s” and “ahh’s.” Then come the words . Words of adoration. Words of deep love and affection are poured into you as the washes of color from the sunset pours over the treetops and you just bask in this moment. This moment in time that the love of your life carved out of their day just for you . This moment of pure, selfless love all in an attempt to make you feel loved, valuable, and worthy. Not for their own gain, but for the simple satisfaction of knowing how wonderful it makes you feel; knowing full well that you and you alone are the only one deserving of this particular song. And that, my friends, is worship. It is the act of complete and utter adoration for another being because you just love who they are. And that is the picture I get when I worship and sing praises to my Heavenly Father. I get another picture too; a picture the Lord gave me during a special prayer time set aside as a sort of “Spiritual Retreat” for our worship team at Parkview . We were in a guided prayer time and were told to imagine ourselves in the safest place we could think of,picture Jesus there, and picture what our interaction would be like; what we would say to Him and what He would say to us. Naturally, I was at home, in my piano room, seated at my baby grand, singing. And Jesus was there in the chair next to me, glass of wine in hand, laughing and smiling, saying, “play me another one Kayla,” “Now, sing this one, I want to hear this one,” as He’d sit back and close his eyes, smile, and just bask in that moment , that moment set aside just for Him .

You see, worship is not for us. It is not about us. It has never been about us. I always struggle when I hear people say that they didn’t get much out of the worship time. Because I want to respond with, “Great! That’s EXACTLY how it should be…cause it’s not for YOU!” Worship is a gift. And it doesn’t have to be the gift of song. That’s just one of the many gifts we can bring. One of the questions I posed to my students during PWA was; “can you worship God in every moment, every circumstance, & in every activity?“ I could see some of them get a bit of a sparkle in their eyes as they smiled crooked smiles with the realization of, "Yes!” The fact of the matter is, in a human love relationship, we can show our beloved how much we love and adore them in every day life, with every spoken word and through every intentional and unintentional action. Whether we choose to or not is our choice, but the option is still there. I believe the same is true in our relationship with our beloved Christ. We can show our love in how we live our lives for him through the words we speak into others and the words we choose in our prayers and conversations with Him. We can honor Him and show Him our adoration in the way we love others and also by the way we marvel at his creation. But in the same way a date night is set aside to celebrate human love, there is something special about setting aside a specific time to pour out our hearts and sing a song of love and adoration; to bring a gift. And it should be a sacrifice. Not necessarily in the negative connotation of the word “sacrifice,” but yes, a sacrifice of time or resources or energy, because the best way to show someone love is through self-sacrificial love. After all, Jesus gave us this perfect example of self-sacrificial love by dying for our sins so that we could have life and have it to the full [1] . So whether you are musically inclined or not is completely irrelevant, for our Father accepts whatever we have to offer when we offer it joyfully [2] . Bring any and every gift you have to give, bring your jar of expensive perfume [3] and pour it at His feet , bring your scars and your past and your imperfect life, bring the only two copper coins [4] you have; bring the first fruits [5] of your labor, bring your frankincense, your myrrh [6] , and surrendered hearts, and by all means, bring your songs of praise.

My heart will not be moved, O God. I will sing. Yes, I will sing praises with my soul. Wake up, different kinds of harps. I will wake up the new day. I will give thanks to You among the people, O Lord. I will sing praises to You among the nations. For Your loving-kindness is great above the heavens. Psalm 108:1-5

[1] John 10:10 [2] 2 Corinthians 9:7 [3] Matthew 26:6-13 [4] Mark 12:41-44 [5] Proverbs 3:9 [6] Matthew 2:11

The Process

Wed, 26 Mar 2014 00:00:00 GMT

Have you ever been in the midst of something…a moment in time that is so unique, so, dare I say, magical that you just know , no matter how hard you tried, you’d never be able to replicate it? Well that is what I experienced this past week in Bentonville Arkansas just off a country dirt road at Haxton Road Studios as I recorded my very first, full-length worship album. As I write this I am currently sitting in an airport terminal bawling as I reflect with a full heart on the events of this past week. I’m so moved for so many reasons. Because, the truth is, when I set out on this journey almost two and half years ago, I never dreamed that I’d be where I am now, having just wrapped a week of recording my first album. I guess that’s a testament of the transforming work of Christ, that when a seed is planted and a surrendered heart is conceived, He who begins this work, will, in fact, carry it on to completion [i] . The journey has also been long. From the day I wrote my first worship song to the weeks that followed, where 2 or 3 songs were born per week, I fell more and more in love with each piece of work even more than the last. At the time, the songs were for me; prayers, essentially, and exclusive to my relationship with Christ and the struggles and hurts I was enduring, as well as the recurring theme of letting go and surrendering; the “not my will, but what You will, not my will, but what You will.” And the songs flowed, and the dreams were molded and shaped, and who I am in Christ was chiseled and refined with each new song and each new lesson encapsulated inside that song. And then came the confirmation, as I began to share these pieces of my heart with friends and family, and the undercurrent of the harmonious theme continued to stir as words were poured into me by friends and family, words such as “anointing” and “called”. It’s quite the humbling moment when you nonchalantly say to a friend, “hey, wanna hear this song I just wrote?” and afterward you look up and that friend is bawling and affirming you with, “I just got chills…Kayla…I can sense the Spirit moving…He is at work in you.” Then the next step of surrender came as I walked away from the security of being signed and let go of a pop EP that was on the cusp of completion to pursue this calling, followed by more months of writing, and confirmation, and “wow, maybe I should make an album…maybe these songs aren’t just for me.” And the months of planning and facing obstacles and opposition and all of the moments anyone who sets out to do something great faces that makes them want to turn back, but they keep pressing on toward the goal because something deep down inside keeps telling them to forge ahead. And the confirmation continued as I stepped out in faith to share my story and ask the biggest favor I could ask of my friends and family, to take a leap of faith with me and support me, and the overwhelming support I received through launching a kickstarter and at the single release concert. Then after that intense momentum and the high of all of that confirmation, I settled back into the mundane and retreated back into hiding to prepare for the album through prayer and planning, making rough recordings, charting songs and all of the other things that go into preproduction, all from the quiet place where these songs were originally birthed. And the doubts arose as the enemy tried to creep back in with “did God really say that [ii] ?” coupled with my own insecurities of “am I really good enough? Will people even like these songs?” I’d like to tell you that the couple of weeks leading up to leaving home to set out to a place I’ve never been, to work with people I’ve never even met before were spirit-filled and, I don’t know, magical… but they were not. My closest friends will tell you I was struggling because I felt like I was supposed to feel a certain way but I just felt sort of…numb. Again–more of that opposition from the Enemy. The Monday before I left I realized that I needed more prayer support now than I probably have needed during this entire process. So I reached out to my friends and just shared the truth about what I was feeling and asked for prayer for a revived spirit. Because it was a Monday and Mondays are always crazy, never mind it being the Monday before I was heading out of town, there were a few people I just didn’t get to reach out to for prayer support. But that didn’t matter. For “ the Spirit intercedes along with our groans that cannot be expressed in words” [iii] A friend text me the next day to tell me that she had a weird experience the day before. She described it like the scene of Home Alone , where the mom wakes up out of a dead sleep & realizes she’s forgotten her son at home. She said The Spirit stirred her in a similar way & it was as if suddenly she felt an overwhelming need to pray for me. It’s crazy how the body of Christ works like that. We are all members with one body [iv] , like conjoined twins, connected & bearing each other’s burdens. That’s the beauty of the bride of Christ. 10 songs. 5 days. So I set out to Bentonville AR, waiting to feel whatever it is I felt like I was supposed to feel but resting in the knowledge of the covering blanket of prayers being prayed over me. Although I made sure I was well stocked with books & things to occupy myself with during my flights, one of my sisters in Christ encouraged me to just be quiet before The Lord during my travels. When I found my seat on my first flight I felt an impression from The Lord, not to pray for my travels, or myself, but rather all of my kickstarter supporters & friends back home who were lifting me up simultaneously. I don’t care how spiritual you may think you are, I think if we are all being honest, most of us would struggle to just pray for three or four hours, but that’s exactly what I did & I’m so thankful The Lord impressed that upon my heart. A while back my dad encouraged me to, not just pray for the process , but to pray for those who would hear the songs and be impacted by their message; to intercede for those I’ve never even met before. That reminder rang true as I peered out the airplane window and prayed blessings over those who have gone out on a limb to support and bless me , some of whom I have yet to even meet.

So I arrived in Bentonville, Arkansas and stepped out into the sun, and, I have to admit I felt a little bit like a vampire since I’ve spent the past 5 months buried beneath mounds of snow and encased in the winter darkness; my eyes had to adjust to the light & warmth. Within 15 minutes I was at my destination, about to meet the people I’d be making my first record with. And I’m happy to say I was received with nothing but love & acceptance as the Greenhaw family opened up their home & hearts to me. I was even greeted with a gift bag filled with goodies to get me through the week as I settled into my new living quarters. Then, after a quick meal, we settled into the studio & began the last round of preproduction, taking notes and making the final changes and decisions for the instrumentation and song direction.

What’s interesting about this part of the process is it’s, yet again, another layer of surrendering & letting go as you place your “babies” into the hands of strangers and let them guide the direction, and trust their instincts and judgment calls. At this point in the process every artist has two choices to make: 1.) you stubbornly stick to your guns & don’t allow room for growth & evolution, or 2.) you trust the people you’re working with and open your mind to the way others receive your art and where they could potentially take it beyond where it has already been.

So I relinquished control where control needed to be relinquished and gave away the reigns. One of the very valuable lessons I learned early on as a song-writer was learning which hills to die on. There will be times when you as an artist have to fight for your way because if you don’t, it will distort the vision, and other times where the same would happen if you don’t relinquish control and let someone else make the judgment call because their view of the vision isn’t skewed by your personal bias. Now, I don’t recommend relinquishing compete control in every situation and with everyone you team up with on a creative project, because that’s just not smart, but this was special, because I wasn’t just at some random recording studio in Arkansas with a bunch of strangers. I firmly believe that God handpicked these people and preordained them to have a huge hand in this process. And what’s more, they understood the vision.

I’m reminded of the recent movie Jobs in the scene where Steve Jobs, played by Ashton Kutcher, blows up at his staff because they created a word processor without fonts. And one could look at that and say, “wow, cool your jets, why are you getting so upset?” Or, you could look at that and clearly say, “No, he was right. They didn’t have his passion, and more importantly, didn’t understand his vision.” Well I’m so thankful to say that that was far from what I experienced at Haxton Road Studios. My producer, Neil Greenhaw , recording engineer Ryan Ceola , drummer and co-producer Jeremy Weldon of The Jordan Howerton Band , along with all of the other musicians who played on the project put so much thought and care into their roles and contributions. They clearly saw the vision and cared about every single facet of the process. The truth is, I’ve recorded in a lot of studios, from Chicago to Nashville, and I’ve had some good experiences, but this one by far takes the cake. It is an understatement to say that the Greenhaw family put the “hospitality” in “southern hospitality,” because they took care of me and genuinely cared about the project. What’s more, they are just as invested in this album as I am. Neil & his family did everything to make sure I was taken care of this week. From home cooked meals to his constant look in my direction during tracking followed by the question, “are you happy?” to the last night, where he took Jeremy & I out to Ruth’s Chris to celebrate the completion of the album, and prayed over me and my future with this album. Again, you are not going to find another producer anywhere who would do that.

I remember in college in my Recording Technology class we were taught that sound engineers do not comment on the music. They are to do their job and stick to the script and focus on sound and sound alone. So there’s something pretty incredible when you’re comping vocals and your recording engineer turns to you and says, “Kayla… THANK YOU for writing this song.” That tells me that this album is so much bigger than me.

Because the fact of the matter is, anybody can write a good song. Anybody can write the right chord progressions with the cleverest lyrics, a good beat, and a catchy melody. But that wasn’t the goal here. My goal in Prayers & Songs was to make music that changed people. Music that escorts people to the throne of God where all there is left to do is sit and be silent and weep in awe of God’s goodness & majesty. And I know, without a shadow of doubt, we accomplished that this week. Each person who played a part in the process is a Believer & encouraged me in their appreciation for the music. Probably one of the most humbling compliments came from David Ervin, who played B3 & accordion, when he commented on how much he liked my chord choices and progressions and how different they are. Coming from someone who can play as well as he can, directing a comment like that toward me , and I don’t even really consider what I do “playing piano,” was pretty cool.

Another unique part about this week was that trust was another underlying theme. Not only did I entrust this album into the hands of people I had never met before, they trusted ME. In addition to opening their home to me, they asked me to lead worship at their church, Grace Hills Church on Sunday morning! (Which was such an incredible experience in and of itself and really made the week that much more special.) There aren’t words to describe the preordination when a church begins a series on being FOUND and invites their first ever guest worship leader to sing, and asks her to sing one of her original songs, which just so happened to be called… Found . Pastor Brandon Cox even documented the way The Spirit moved in the services that day here . And again the further confirmation came when a woman and friend of the Greenhaw family felt impressed to pray over me after the services, and there was that word again: “anointed.” “God has anointed you,” she said, ”may these songs go out into the world and change lives.” Afterall that is the ultimate goal. Handel said it best when he said, “I should be sorry if I only entertain them, I wish to make them better.” And that is my hope; that lives will be changed by this album. Because lives were changed this week. MY life was changed this week.

The moment that really did me in was when I was recording lead vocals on “Gethsemane.” Neil, being the caring producer that he is, paid attention to every detail, and made sure that I was comfortable all week. So that morning, he set up the vocal booth to my liking, complete with dimmed lighting, candles & hot tea. It was the first part of the day and I was really still waking up when we hit record. I began to sing through the song not really f eeling much at all, like one would hope or expect, but by the time I got to the bridge I couldn’t even sing because I just lost it.

"Not what I will, but what You will Not what I will, but what You will Thy will be done Thy will be done Thy will be done”

And that is the summation of this whole process; this journey The Lord has taken me on, and really, the adventure of this life. God plants a seed, gives a dream, and then asks for it back, saying, “Do you trust Me?” And so I will continue to commit this album and my future into the hands of my loving Father, because after all, it is the desire of my heart that, no matter what happens with this album, “Thy will be done.”

[i] Philippians 1:6 [ii] Genesis 3:1 [iii] Romans 8:26

A Debt of Gratitude

Fri, 06 Dec 2013 00:00:00 GMT

When I prayerfully decided to launch a Kickstarter campaign, I did not anticipate how it would affect me. Blame it on naivety, but I guess I just wasn’t spiritually prepared for how my faith would be challenged and stretched, and didn’t realize that I would essentially be learning all new lessons in trust and generosity. The concept of generosity is not foreign to me at all. I grew up in a home having THE most generous person I know as a father. My whole life I have witnessed my dad give out of the overflow of his heart to churches, charities, missionaries, military families, strangers, & family members, all the while never asking for anything in return. He is one of THE most selfless people I know and I am so blessed to have had his example growing up. Because of my earthly dad & my relationship with the epitome of generosity, my Heavenly Father, generosity is something I’ve always had a heart for. I learned at a very young age to value people over money & possessions and, because of that, I love to give. My favorite way to show people love is to either buy them a gift, volunteer my time or talents, or just give some sort of act of service. Now, doing this Kickstarter , the roles have been reversed and, really, for the first time in my life I’ve been in the very vulnerable position of asking others for help. And, I’ve gotta say, it’s made me kind of uncomfortable :)

For those if you who know me well, you know that I am a Type-A, independent person. Admitting that I really CAN’T do this on my own and reaching out and asking for help has really turned my temperament upside down. It has stretched me beyond measure to, not only rely on my Heavenly Father, but also the body of Christ. It’s been enough of a spiritual battle for me over the years to relinquish control & surrender my life into the hands of my Maker, but now, to also step out in faith and, in a lot of ways, put the fate of this project in the hands of others has been truly humbling. Along with this stretching of my faith I have been inspired. When I began this journey of writing a worship album now two years ago, the work that The Lord was doing in my heart was proof enough alone that I was doing EXACTLY what He specifically called and designed me to do. However, as most of us know, the Adversary loves nothing more than to take these precious moments of sure-fire faith from The Lord and plant seeds of doubt. I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of obstacles and opposition I faced or this blog would turn into a novel (as my writings have a history of doing), but I CAN tell you that the biggest obstacle I faced was fear. One of Satan’s biggest weapons is simply repeating our own fears and insecurities back to us. But fear is the absence of trust. Thankfully, we serve a God who makes people from dirt, beauty from ashes, and “ [i] in all things…works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” How great is it to know that we serve a God who uses what is “ intended to harm” us & “intends it all for good.” And I am so humbled to know that “ [ii] He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.” You see…He took my fears and turned them into a new opportunity for me to grow in my faith. Not only has God renewed my faith and trust in Him, my friends and church family have…which is really the whole reason for this post. Everyone who has contributed to my Kickstarter , the single, and the single release concert have inspired me and touched my heart. Seeing this type of generosity displayed on such a large scale, has been a real live reenactment of Luke 21:1-4 and has blessed me in the profoundest of ways. So, no matter the outcome. No matter the end result on December 16th, from the bottom of my heart…thank you. This is my debt of gratitude. I have only been able to accomplish what I have thus far with the help of the following people: John Bretzlaff, for recording, mixing, producing, and cheering me on as what started as guitar lessons turned into writing my first worship album. The musicians who played on the single, “at Your feet” :

John Bretzlaff - guitar Katie Bern - violin Miki Ivezic – drums Jay Curatolo – bass Daniel Sikkema – cello

Single Artwork:

Brookelyn Anhalt – Lovely Life Photography Holley Maher – H. Maher Creative Design Jessica McKane – Jessica McKane Makeup Kelli Mitchell – hair =) Melissa Knieriem – wardrobe =)

Videos :

Scott Josephs, Scott Josephs, and Scott Josephs =) Seth Tower Hurd, for encouraging me to step out of my comfort zone and share my story with…the world wide web. Oh boy. =)

Even more Photography:

Holly Metesh – Holly Metesh Fotography

The musicians who played for the Single Release Concert:

Heather Follett – keys, bgvs Ryan West – guitar Kevin Goodwin – guitar Jonathan Sisk – bass Tim Michuda – violin Joe Goetschel - drums Concert Tech Peeps: Bri Deuerling – lights Trevor Rigsby – tech Aaron Powell – sound Scot Fritzsche – sound

Scott Gruca, Brian Hunt, Kevin West, and Parkview Christian Church Lockport for hosting the concert Ashley Black for the Single Release Concert poster design A huge thank you to all those who were in attendance and showed your love and support simply by your presence And last, but most certainly not least, those who have contributed to my Kickstarter to date. Your acts of generosity will never, ever be forgotten. Julie Kolosta, Karen Enyart, Bill Peters, Deborah Ide, Ron Lyngen, Stephen Simpson, John Nelson, Bob & Amy Jackson, Christina Peasley, Kristen Magnusson, Nancy Olivo, J Payne, Jana Witulski, Amy Rendziak, Sue Pollow, Katie Smith, Lisa Smith, Josh D’Aubin, Carrie, Patrick & Molly Lockwood, Megan Helm, Jonathan Sisk, Allison, Elliott Michael, Mark & Brenda Michuda, Kelli Elzer, Kathleen McConnell, Naomi Chinavong, Alaina Wood, Dan Callan, Carey Ferry, Nic Higgins, Steve & Sue Lecas, John & Jenny Synal, Jorgi Calombaris, Janis Bautz, Susan Fischer, Anette Krapil, Thomas Krieger, Jodee Molitor, Mary Margaret Combs, Ann Whitcomb, Dan Shelby, Pat Mueller, Mary Wall, Marianne Bannos, Jeannie Zatarski, Kim Voss, Aaron Cantrall, Dan Johnston, Connie Carroll, Jim Gram, Val & Bob Williams, Ginette Soper, Wendi & Mark O’Brien, Melissa & Dan Knieriem, Neil Greenhaw, Connie Osburn, Bruce & Jane Arduser, Sherry Orseno, Donald Bila, Korrie Gorman & Robin Hough, Kathy & Gerald Oliver, Fiona & Mossie Walsh, Lisa Nooner, Makena Koszela, Jeanne Layden, Dan Van Slett, Dawn Drake, Cindy Calombaris, Kathy Foster, Joan & Mike San Filippo, Jonathan & Emily Martin, Dan & Rachel Metesh, Mark De Vito, Cassie West, Kayla Johnson, Amy Tillman, Tina Basinger, Chip & Robin Gardner, Jennifer Truesdale, & Charlie Parchem

[i] Romans 8:28 (New International Version) [ii] Genesis 50:20 (New Living Translation)

Joy in the Mourning

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 00:00:00 GMT

The 12th month

The time of cheer and giving and wreaths and lights and “Fa-la-la.”

And it’s dark.

I’m supposed to feel warm and fuzzy.

And I’m sick, and I’m in pain.

Looking everywhere for a glimpse of joy, for an ounce of faith, for a spark of hope.

It’s not about getting older.

It’s not even working in an industry permeated by consumerism and greed.

There’s something different this year.

Unanswered prayers, and obstacles, and opposition from the Adversary and waiting and trusting and it’s different.

In this desperate search for joy, trying to understand what on earth Isaac Watts and Chris Tomlin are talking about, doing all that I know to do. Uplifting melodies and words and literature on gratitude and it all only takes the edge off.

“If only it would snow,” I think, “maybe that would put me in this so-called ‘Christmas spirit.’”

But I know joy is not found in the way the precipitation falls.

Maybe if I put Christmas music on.

But I know that if I hear another song about a reindeer or a snowman, paired with an empty, “Happy Holidays,” from the politically correct, I’ll scream.

Decorations. Traditions. Empty.

And I am Solomon and everything is meaningless. [1]

And I am still on this journey, this conquest for joy.

Then it happens. The unthinkable. This tragedy. Their faces. Innocence lost.

Lives lost.

And this desperate search for this elusive joy, this voyage is trivial.

And our nation is glued to the television and we have our opinions and our politicians take their platforms and their angles and the story spins and our world spins and spins and once everyone has updated their Facebook statuses with their two cents and 140 characters, and said their prayers, it’s back to life as normal and shopping and, “I just need to find the right lipstick for my Christmas party,…”

And I am Job and all I want to do is tear my robe and weep and sit among the ashes. [2]

And all I see are faces.

26 faces.

Faces of lives cut short.

20 of them, unfathomably short.

And then I am reminded of the 5,000 others that died that day. 5,000 others that die every day. Faces we’ll never see. And our country is broken and their blood cries out from the ground and God sees all this and still looks upon us with love and mercy and compassion and grace and I’ll never comprehend it.

I think further still of faces.

The faces of my niece and nephew.

My two god-children.

Faces of the kids I’ve babysat, kids I’ve taught, all the same age, and I just can’t imagine.

And I’m going about my day and encounter a stranger with their kids, and I look into the face of a child I don’t even know and I’m brought to tears again.

And I’m brought to my knees.

And prayers for their families without ceasing until prayers turn into tears and tears turn into, “God, I don’t know what to say anymore.”

And the earth is mourning, and the heavens above have grown dark and I am Jeremiah and I am weeping. [3]

Where on earth is this joy?

Then I’m in church, and they’re singing.

I’m in my car, and they’re singing.

And these old familiar Christmas carols are heard with new ears and the words become the prayers of the broken…

Oh come, oh come Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel that mourns [4] …

And another…

No more let sins and sorrows grow,

Nor thorns infest the ground;

He comes to make His blessings flow

Far as the curse is found,

Joy to the world, the Lord is come [5]

And another still…

Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother

And in his name all oppression shall cease

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we [6] …

Sweet hymns of joy .

In the midst of troubles, trials, pain, disease, murder, sin, and brokenness, we sing sweet hymns of joy.

And not just joy , gratitude.

And I don’t have all of the answers and I don’t understand but I believe

“His law is love and His gospel is peace” [7]

This Prince of Peace.

Yaweh.

God Almighty, whose name is so high and so great some would argue it is actually irreverent to write.

Creator God, who laid the earth’s foundations and marked off its dimensions [8] and made man from dust [9] came to us in love . Came to us in the most humble and lowly of circumstances. So we would know that he understands.

Jesus.

Who was born into a time where a certain ruler was so threatened by this baby, modern-day atheist claim was just a myth on New York City billboards, that he murdered every baby boy under the age of two living in Bethlehem. [10]

Jesus is born.

And we celebrate his birth at Christmas.

And we are grieving the loss of lives.

Just as Bethlehem grieved.

And I get it.

No, I don’t find a state of elatedness, but rather, find a new understanding of “consider it pure joy, […] whenever you face trials of many kinds,” [11] and “the joy of the Lord is (my) strength” [12]

…”do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” 12

And I see.

We have this treasure.

“We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” [13]

“For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.” [14]

And God put on flesh.

And He has rescued us from our sinful selves.

“And He will wipe every tear from our eyes.” [15]

And there will be no more cancer.

And there will be no more mental illness.

And “there will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things (will) pass away.” 15

And “at the name of Jesus every knee (will) bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord…” [16]

And we will all gather around the throne of The Almighty and say “‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,’ who was, and is, and is to come.” [17]

And on this cold, dark, December night, I gather around this manger scene and sing “‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,’ who was, and is, and is to come.” 17

And finally “the joy of the Lord is my strength.” 12

And that is “Joy…unspeakable joy.” [18]

Joy to the world.

The Lord is come.

“At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:

‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the Lord be praised.’

In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.” [19]

[1] Ecclesiastes 1:2 (New International Version)

[2] Job 1:20 and Job 2:8 (New International Version)

[3] Jeremiah 4:28 (New International Version)

[4] “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel,” trans. John Mason Neale(1851)

[5] Isaac Watts, “Joy To The World” (No. 447) in Praise and Worship Hymnal (Kansas City, MS: Lillenas Publishing Company, 1960).

[6] Adolphe Adam, “O Holy Night” (1847).

[7] Adolphe Adam, “O Holy Night” (1847).

[8] Job 38:4 (New International Version)

[9] Genesis 2:7 (New International Version)

[10] Matthew 2:16 (New International Version)

[11] James 1:2 (New International Version)

[12] Nehemiah 8:10 (New International Version)

[13] 2 Cor. 4:7 (New International Version)

[14] 2 Cor. 4:6-10 (New International Version)

[15] Rev. 21:4 (New International Version) (emphasis added)

[16] Phil. 2:10-11 (New International Version)

[17] Rev. 4:8 (New International Version)

[18] Chris Tomlin, “Joy to the World (Unspeakable Joy)”

[19] Job 1:20-22 (New International Version)